I Am A Mother Of A Child With Physical Needs And I Feel Helpless

Mallika Pathak

I am not sure how should I put this. I have a child with special needs and I am currently feeling like a very inadequate mother/person. Not sure if this is what I need to do, but I thought it’s worth a shot and hence sending you an email. Not that I am suicidal but I have been having a feeling of helplessness.

I am having this feeling of helplessness

I have a 4-year-old daughter. She was born with a cardiac defect which we got corrected and then while in the ICU post-surgery she aspirated and had to be resuscitated. She was 2 months old at that time. She had lost all of her reflexes and even now she cannot sit unsupported, is non-verbal and is fed via a g-tube. But she is a smart kid. She knows her alphabets and numbers and she basically understands what we say. But she does have difficulty processing and vision is a bit of an issue too.

Family helps but I am stressed out

I also have an 11-month-old baby boy who is perfectly normal. Yes, I have to be present all the time. Although I have my in-laws, who live with us for the most part, and since the second baby, if they are not there, my parents stay with us. So at any given point of time, I do not have to handle two kids at the same time. So yes they are all very helpful. Of course, there are a few tiffs here and there because we live together but it’s most helpful. My husband is also an amazing father and loves the children and helps whenever and wherever he can.

Despite that I am stressed out most of the time and there is a feeling of helplessness and sadness I cannot get over.

Mother and her special child Image source

Dear Lady,

There is never a wrong reason to reach out. You’re doing absolutely the right thing by sending this mail. It’s stressful being a mum sometimes but I’m glad you have help.

Take some time off

Have you taken some time off from this? Maybe an hour or two of just alone time for you? What most mums forget to do is to spend time with themselves. That ends up making them feel exhausted, most of the time physically but over time also emotionally. I just want you to remember that you can’t pour out of an empty glass. You need some relaxation time for yourself so you can be refuelled and get back to doing all the things that you have to do.

Professional help works wonders

Also, I would recommend that you look around where you live for a support group, or seek therapy. These feelings of inadequacy, although happen to a lot of women are still just your own self-doubts that are emerging in this form. A certified mental health professional will help you cope with these feelings and trust me, it will change your life.

You’re doing an amazing job, but sometimes even superheroes have to put their cape down and rest.

With that said, here’s wishing you more power.

Never think that it’s not needed/not required to seek help. Do reach out if there’s anything I can help with. Take care and you go girl!


Mallika Pathak 

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