Q: My boyfriend is a flirt, but when he talks with girls, he pretends like he is not flirting. I’m now getting angry when he lies to me. But despite knowing that, he doesn’t react, because he doesn’t care. But he wants to be with me. He doesn’t want to lose me. I know, somehow, that he loves me. He should understand my importance. He should know that rather than flirt with girls, I’m the important person whom he should not cheat. How should I treat him so that he will listen to me?
A: I understand the frustration and confusion that you are going through. It is all too common among people who have different styles of relating to their partners romantically.
I would first of all tell you to distinguish between flirting and cheating. For that you would need to sit and do some homework around what you consider flirting and how is it different from outright cheating. I haven’t seen your boyfriend, so I do not know his style of flirting, whether it is a healthy one or not. You are clearly disturbed by it because of what you think he is trying to do when he is flirting. Anger and frustration will make you lose perspective on the difference between healthy and unhealthy flirting.
We flirt for all sorts of reasons. Reasons, which are sometimes not even known to us. However, to assume that he flirts because he is not interested in you or doesn’t love you any more is only going to make you sad.
Having said that, one partner’s discomfort with a particular behaviour of the other partner should not be ignored. You need to approach the matter with him, with a better understanding of yourself and the resulting composure around the issue. I suggest you watch the following video by The School of Life on flirting to get a broader perspective.