It’s been six long years and I am single. My life revolved my work, I punched in sharp at eight in the morning sometimes punching out at nine in the evening, ran for the locals, if possible grab a window seat and plug in the earphones and listen to songs.
Rewinding the few years when I was married, I didn’t listen to music, all I used to do was to read in the locals, the two hours journey seemed easy, I was hooked into my books but now I wanted a change, now that I am single why do I need books, maybe music is all my soul craved.
I had opened my Facebook account when I was married but wasn’t active. I had hardly posted some pictures that too simple ones but enough to get 200 likes or even more. I received comments like pretty, sensuous, and charming and the list was endless. I had no time to read them or reply either; I was involved in my daily chores like an average Indian woman.
Things took a different turn; I looked around and saw people hooked on mobiles, no talks, no smiles, but mobiles. Am I abnormal? I too have a Facebook account; let me see how it looks like. So instead of posting my picture, I wrote some few lines, I couldn’t believe what I saw – 41 likes and 10 comments. I also remember I had changed my profile picture, I didn’t see how many likes I got, but what I received were desperate messages on my messenger asking me to get them added with pleasantries and appreciating my looks. Suddenly my set of Facebook friends increased from 250 to 1250. I hardly knew 65% of them but I kept on adding and I kept on receiving messages on how good I look and to my surprise the majority being the married men.
Being a single woman I cannot deny a fact that I too need love and am also out of human touch but why these married men? No, I was wrong; I also received messages from the single ones and also from the ones half my age.
So Facebook proved me I am much needed, I am the best lover one can have, the best looking model with alluring features with the married ones asking for my statistics. If possible have a video chat; if possible I can share my selfies of private moments, each one wanted, they needed rather. I am not denying at all that I don’t have my needs but what I actually looked was love.
I looked into people’s account, all photographs, all happy stories, all smiling faces, so I decided to post my pictures as well, little did I know it will fetch in the probability of my shadow husbands.
“Dear sweetie, you look really good and hot”
“Come darling let me turn you on”
“I need you, you may be double my age, but I want to start a family just the two of us, I will come soon, we will have children”
“Yes, I have my wife she is suspicious, so we cannot chat, but I will ping you the moment I step out of my house”
“Lovely eyes and lips, feel like touching you”
“Just a photo, please, need to see you, I can’t stop loving you”
The above were only some of the messages I received. Some of them were desperate enough to call on my messenger.
Let me look at the other side, why would they dare to approach me? If I see in an unbiased way, there are females, may be famous women, well known to the world even, but I wasn’t even aware of them, I found them posting their selfies with their cleavage revealing and backless blouse photos, not once maybe five days a week and to my surprise I found they received 700+ likes with sultry comments and all the comments were acknowledged too. So why blame men? It’s a fact men run after women but aren’t we responsible either, what is the need to expose ourselves so much on social media?
I take responsibility for my damage, that man half of my age; I gave in to his demands by having a look at his private videos which he sent me, his crass photos, each day, each night, and he said he needed help as he is mentally unstable, I realized much later he is fully stable and to my horror I found he had made friends with all possible females. He vanished the same way he came, in thin air, so were many other men who all claimed to marry me or keep me a discreet lover since they had their wives and also clarified they all had sex with her better wife as a daily chore to satisfy her needs.
In my list of future husbands were established people, who claim they are established but I really don’t think so, if you are truly established then why do you flaunt? What is the need? Will your work speak on your behalf? Correct me if I am wrong.
But I equally question myself rather than playing a blame game, why did I listen to their narrations, why I had to reply to them saying “I am busy”, “I am at work”, “I am travelling”, there was no need, they need no explanation but what they needed was to be blocked.
Yes, I am sexy, I am alluring, my features can turn men on but I also say I need love. Who are these shadow ghost friends? Who are these future husbands? I can easily name them, but I won’t, I am not GOD, they must have got the same response from the other women and that’s the reason they can approach me as well. For them, I am too an “Other women” who can be kept discreet but cannot be loved.
But you know the secret, do not blame the men alone, take responsibility, stop flaunting so much on social media, looks don’t matter, what really matters is your self-respect. There are several young women entrepreneurs who stay online the entire day, for their work but never flaunt, does that mean they are not good enough or they do not have alluring features, no not at all. All they have is self-respect.
If you need love, knock the right doors, you will figure out way, maybe you are single and lonely but that does not mean you have to give in to demands to those shadow future husbands, those are fakes, they look for casual sex, that’s all they need and they do it through multiple partners and it goes true for women as well. Stop being an attention seeker. Share knowledge through social media.
The founder of Facebook is an intelligent man, but have a look at his profile, does he flaunt? No not at all, I have stalked his profile; he does his work in silence.
So women, when these “Future Husbands” propose you, instead of investing your time replying them simply hit the Unfriend/Block button. It will save your time and in return, you will stand tall. You will realize your worth.
As I conclude this essay I say men like those pictures of cleavage and hot pants but just know they appreciate the ones who have self-respect and doesn’t chase a man. No need to crave for attention. Your looks will fade as you age, what won’t fade is your wisdom which you can share on social media, help people in distress, that will bring happiness rather than stupid talks with those people whom you don’t even know, even if you know and you get a feeling that they are about to drag you down just remember that UNFRIEND/BLOCK button.
If a relationship has to be a secret you shouldn’t be in it.
If you love someone set them free. If they come back they are yours; if they won’t they never were.
Relationships last longer when Facebook doesn’t know about it