So it’s all figured out, or at least so I thought. I’m 33 years old, a certified physiatrist, and if things go as planned (which they rarely do! and thank God they don’t, for then life would be ultra boring!) I’ll get married and settle down. But so far it’s been so good! I love single life and the thought of giving it up saddens me a little bit.
This change of getting married and settling down affects everyone differently. Some look forward to it, some dread it, and some accept it as an unofficial death sentence! I have friends who are married, divorced, and also single at 43. So there is no charted course for everyone. People find love, companionship and readiness for marriage at various stages of life. Until then, one can experience enjoying being single like me!
I Love The Single Lifestyle
Being happily single is one hell of a blessing. You can eat what you want, any way you want (you don’t have to worry about which hand holds the spoon or fork, as long as the food reaches the mouth). I don’t think married guys have the freedom to check out other girls; some even have panic attacks when a nubile girl passes by when they’re with their spouse. The toilet seat can be left up, down or even broken into pieces because I don’t give a damn, because I am enjoying being single.
Related Reading: Life After The Wedding And The Honeymoon – Post Marriage Life
Both sides of the argument
One of my married friends claims the worst thing about married life is that women take forever to get ready when they have to go out. In his opinion, that is reason enough to love the single life.
He claims if he books a movie ticket for the 6 pm show, he’ll end up watching the 9 pm show, and also listen to his wife complaining about the poor service inside the movie theatre! He may be exaggerating a bit, but waiting is not exactly one of my favorite pastimes.
He also hates sharing the TV remote, which, he says, should be a legal offense at this point. The last time he went shopping with his wife, he complained, she spent 3 hours choosing a handbag! He said “That’s when I realized I should have considered purposeful singleness in my life. I might have been a happier man.”
Another friend, meanwhile, considers his marriage the best thing in his whole life. He wakes every morning, goes to the garden and plucks a rose for his wife, and wakes her up with different types of kisses each morning. His whole life has blossomed since he got married; he got two promotions in the last year, bought a new car, and so on.
Every time I see them, walking hand in hand, I always send a prayer out to God, asking him to find me a relationship like that! Only when I look at that couple does dealing with singleness become a tad difficult for me personally. But on other days, I am a patron of the single lifestyle.
Related Reading: 10 things only single people will relate to!
Singleness, a gift or not?
These two examples got me thinking deeply about whether singleness is a gift or not. A single lifestyle has its freedoms and perks, but I’m sure so does married life. Think about it this way: If a woman can carry my child for 9 months, I think she deserves to take her own sweet time in selecting that handbag.
At each stage of growth, we compromise a little (you can’t pee in your pants when you’re in your 30s, you can’t get carried around by your parents when you’re 5 years old), and so I’m ready to compromise for the sake of a good married life. Because marriage is indeed part love and part compromise.
The TV remote issue will never be an issue in my case, as I don’t spend much time in front of ‘the idiot box’ so the gift of singleness does not apply to me there. When my wife is dissing the food service inside a movie theatre, I can pacify her; I’ll find a way (if the situation crops up!). It’s really no reason to get your knickers twisted. And yes, there could be rough days, and bitter fights, but God will protect my married life, the best He can…
I’m prepared to do my best as I end my season of singleness
I’m sure there are books to deal with any issues that may crop up in an unhealthy marriage and how to turn that around. I also know that once you marry a woman, you have to treat her like a princess and protect her like a knight. Existentialism may not be the best place to look for relationship advice, but Nietzsche nailed it when he said: “The secret of a happy married life is to fall in love with the same person, over and over again.”
So I don’t think this change that I’m facing is anything more than ‘ecdysis’ (a term in biology for shedding skin), a necessary and wonderful experience. Don’t get me wrong. I still love being single and will never disregard the perks and happiness it has brought me. But my season of singleness is now over. It is time for me to cross the bridge and go over to the other side.
Purposeful singleness is when you deliberately choose the single lifestyle, which is a product of your own decision. Perhaps you love single life or are just enjoying being single. Either way, you chose this for yourself because you think other things in your life need greater attention than a potential partner or going on tons of first dates.
If you want it to be! Using your season of singleness and treating it like a spiritual gift is a great way to look at that phase in your life. Treat it like an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ kind of phase and use that time to get in touch with yourself.