I am asking this question on my friend’s behalf. She is single and is having an affair with a married man. That man has a loyal wife and two kids. She already has had two affairs before this. Both those relationships failed, as it was only for fulfilling sexual desire under the guise of love. This man, even though he loves his wife and has a perfect family, still says to my friend that he loves her. The affair is 2.5 years old. Whenever my friend says no to sex, he abuses her and compares her with his wife. (His wife also knows about the relationship and she obviously is against it. But my friend and that guy, both talk to each other secretly. He still wants to have sex with her. He says he loves her ‘so much’. Meanwhile, my friend has denied the affair in front of his wife.
When my friend asked him for a solution, the man did not have one. He said, you decide and then what not drama happens. My friend of mine loves him, and does not want to ruin his family and wants to save her own life too. Please suggest what I can do. Also if she is constantly dating only married men, is this some kind of pattern? Waiting for your view on this.
Avani Tiwari says:
Your friend needs professional help urgently. If this is the third affair (with married men) and if all three have been similar complicated cases then she is definitely falling into a harmful pattern. Yes, you are correct in your suspicions.
You say she does not want to ruin his family or herself, and is in love with him, in spite of his abusive behaviour. It is quite obvious that there is no happy ending to this story. Extramarital affairs seldom end happily. The best thing she can do is to end this as soon as possible. It’s clearly not benefiting her and will only cause her more grief and pain in time to come. Even if this was not an extramarital relationship, any relationship that has physical, verbal or emotional abuse can never be a healthy one and can never nurture growth or provide peace.
Remember it is highly likely that she may resist your help, initially. Talk to her or anyone whom she’s confided in and help her get her life back on track and to keep it there.
All the best,