I don’t like to think of myself as a damsel in distress but the sad reality of my life is that my husband cheated on me, and I still couldn’t leave him. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I continued staying with a cheating husband because I loved him rather I was bound by circumstance and my loyalty.
Infidelity does put a dent in relationships, and usually, no two people are on the same wavelength when it comes to mending it once the trust has been betrayed. Every relationship is unique and that’s why some people’s reasons for staying with a cheating spouse are incomprehensible to others.
Why I Continue To Stay With A Cheating Husband
It’s not easy staying with a cheater husband, knowing all the promises he’s broken. I don’t like using that word because I believe it is not natural for a person to live the rest of their life with just one person. People will step out of their marriages in one way or another.
They either flirt quite ‘harmlessly’ or have sex without strings attached or have a deeply satisfying emotional affair or deep friendships but won’t ‘stray’ physically. All of this counts as cheating, but it is also natural human behaviour. It doesn’t bother me much anymore because I have learnt all the ways to ignore a cheating husband.
So then why do I call it cheating? Because when you get married, you enter a bond that says you will be there for each other in every way. And you are breaking that bond if you are giving yourself emotionally to someone else. You are taking time away from the person you are married to if you are giving yourself physically to someone else.
Now let me tell you why I stayed with my cheating husband and forgave him even after I found out that he was having an affair with someone. There are two reasons and both are simple.
1. He’s the perfect husband and dad
The first is that we have built a life together that I don’t want to undo. He treats me with respect and the affair is never rubbed in my face. He takes care of our kids as much as he can and spends enough time with them.
Initially, when I found out that my husband cheated I thought it would affect his relationship with our kids too, but it’s only him and I that don’t get time together and I understand that now. When I didn’t know about his affair, I used to fight with him to do things together but now I don’t.
When I first saw the signs of an affair and created trouble, he was the most unhappy that I had ever seen him. But when I gave up struggling with him, and let him be, he became calmer and happier. And that is the best thing for the home and our family. He is agreeable, helpful, responsible and kind. What more can I ask for?
2. I couldn’t imagine a better lifestyle
The second reason is that without his salary, I won’t have the life that I am accustomed to. We have a home in a beautiful locality. I only take up freelance projects that I want to and spend my time pursuing my hobbies or other things I like to do. He earns very well and I refuse to let go of that.
Don’t get me wrong. Just because I consider his money my own doesn’t mean I don’t contribute. When I first found out about his infidelity, I did wonder why I stayed with my cheating husband. But I had to look at the situation practically too. I’m too used to my lifestyle and luxuries.
Related Reading: My partner cheated on me with 17 others
Do I feel like a parasite living off his money? Not at all. I keep house, I raise our kids, I do all the things that need to be done in terms of planning for the family, taking care of his parents. I did ask myself, “Should I leave my husband for cheating?” But I value my relationship with his parents and other relatives too much to leave them to fend for themselves. I know my husband wouldn’t be able to look after them the way I do.
When it comes to the kids, all the school-related work is my job. His job requires him to entertain a lot and I make sure we have a home that is welcoming and gracious. I know that, without me, he won’t know what to do with the kids. All the cues of his parenting are taken from me, and if I were to leave him, I won’t be able to afford the education we are giving our children now.
Do I feel disrespected that he loves someone else? Sometimes, yes. Did I ever call up a friend, late in the night, crying and begging for an answer, “My husband is cheating, what do I do? Also yes, but not enough to want to leave him and take my kids with me.
When families can adjust to broken limbs, bad eyesight or relocating (unwillingly) to a new country, why can’t they also adjust to one of the partners falling in love with someone else if that keeps them happy? I know my husband cheated on me, but that’s something I’ve learnt to live with. Maybe, one day, I will find the will and the circumstances to leave a relationship.
But for now, I don’t see a reason to do so. In every way, we are peaceful. The kids have a steady home, so why should I disrupt that? I’d rather be lonely or alone than struggle for everything I have right now.
Finding someone to connect with and fall in love with doesn’t take too much time, but to build your place in a social circle, to have all the things that give you a sense of security takes a very long time. In the end, you do what is important to you. For me, being comfortable and secure is important. Love will come.
This post was first published on zenparent.in
Marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury wrote that “adultery is no longer a deal-breaker in many marriages,” and that “70 percent of couples actually stay together after an affair is discovered.”
Yes! Things may get a little awkward but once you’re married the families get involved and breaking things off is way more complicated than they appear in the face of it.