Counselling

My husband lied to me so I think he is sleeping with other women

Why would my husband lie if he had nothing to hide?
Sad woman in tears

Question:

Dear ma’am,

I am heartbroken. My husband lied to me saying that he went to a dinner party with managers whereas, actually he went with the whole team including junior team members. I asked him why he lied to me and he blamed me back. He said, “I lied because you are not comfortable with me going out with freshers and juniors, but with managers you are okay.” Now I am not able to trust him any more. I feel he must be sleeping around with girls but not telling me. I am not able to forgive him for that.

Second, he has not approached me sexually for quite a long time for like 2 months or so. I am pregnant and my doctor had asked not to have sex but he didn’t say no to cuddling and hugging. Even that my husband won’t do. I wonder why my husband does not approach me for intimacy. I told him many times, “Let’s make the first kid sleep in corner and you sleep in the middle”, but he doesn’t.

I feel my husband is cheating on me, I stopped talking to him because whatever he says, I feel he is lying to me. Please help me.

Related reading: He spun a web of lies and destroyed my faith in men

Prachi Vaish says:

Dear Heartbroken,

From the limited information that you have sent in, I really do feel like you are building a world based on a lot of assumptions. These assumptions in turn are hindering your relationship with your husband. You have to stop.

As for your second problem, you say he has turned off sexually. I am sure it’s not just because of the pregnancy. There must be deeper issues in your marriage. Those issues could knowingly or unknowingly be due to faults of both of you.

To solve both the above issues and to get to the root of the problem you need to take the help of couples counselling. Talk to the marriage counsellor in detail. S/he will help you get to the root of this disinterest in intimacy and will help you think through all your suspicions and perhaps get you clarity. Meanwhile, I request you, please don’t live on assumptions because if you do and if your husband is really innocent, you will end up making him more bitter and distant; and that will further aggravate your problems. Unless you have some proof, please try to give him some benefit of doubt. I hope you are able to sort this out.

Prachi

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