Counselling

My husband makes me feel unimportant

He texts other women, goes partying- but has no time for me.
Girl sitting by the beach

Question:

Hello ma’am,

I am a working woman. My husband has been abroad for the past 2 months (due to work). He has got a great opportunity and would be there for another 8-10 months. He visits once in a couple of months for a week. When he is there, he texts me occasionally. It feels like he does it for routine, not because he wants to. But when he visited me last time, I saw him texting with female friends on WhatsApp. He does not mention these friends to me. Also he goes out to party and even picked up smoking. He did not mention any of this to me.
When I asked, he did not give a straight answer. I feel like he and his needs have changed. I don’t understand his need to communicate with other females when all I get is a ‘I am busy’. He comes late from work and cannot talk to me properly. This has just made me even more insecure than I already was. Please suggest.

Related reading: Is social media to be blamed for poor couple relationships?

Counsellor Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Girl,

You’ve put it really appropriately when you said “I’ve gotten even more insecure than I already was”. It is understandable that when your husband is away, you miss him and would want him to give a bit of his attention to you. But it’s also a given that he may have different needs. You can and must express your desires and speak openly about the issues with your husband. You can also ask about his needs and what you can do. Remember it takes two in a relationship. You can ask him to keep you in the loop about his life and that it would make you feel a part of it, while he’s away and so on.

Communicating empathy and love in a relationship goes a long way in building trust. Second, you’re his partner. Speak with him. That’s it. Since the info you’ve given is very limited I can’t really gather much. Also, I would ideally ask you what about this entire thing is so upsetting to you, I need to gain more clarity about what is the real botheration here. As far as the communication is concerned, remember it does not mean being angry, helpless or whining.

All the best,

Snigdha

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