My Husband Wants A Second Baby But I Don’t

when he wants a baby and you don't

(Names changed to protect identities)

Two pink lines on a stick changed my life! In most cases, a woman would jump with glee, yes! And I certainly did with my first child. But this was different. It was more of a shocker. I wasn’t thrilled about having another baby but my husband was over the moon about it.

Those two pink lines were hard enough to look at as it is, but it felt worse about how polar opposites our reactions were. What do you do when he wants a baby and you don’t?

When Husband Wants A Second Baby And I Don’t

A positive result on a pregnancy detector kit can have a huge impact on a woman’s married life. I am Amy, mother of a 10-month-old daughter and pregnant again with another baby on the way!

Now the big question was, “What next?”

Obviously, it was not a planned baby. We never actually had the chance to discuss, ‘Should we have a baby and go down the path of sleepless nights and nappy routines all over again?’ It really just happened. My husband Steve wanted the baby and thought that we would manage by employing nannies.

On the other hand, I was not happy with the idea, because I know that HE hardly helped with daily chores and baby care. I remembered clearly that Steve hardly took any leave from work even though my first delivery was through a C-section.

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It was very difficult for me to manage the baby, house and daily chores with sleepless nights. Steve has conveniently forgotten everything and is adamant that we should keep the baby. And me, well, I don’t want a baby but I’m pregnant. So here’s my story.

Related Reading: What we need to learn about relationships from the women of Game of Thrones!

I don’t want a baby but I’m pregnant

He shouted, “Are you listening to me or not? What is the problem in having a second baby when we can afford a nanny, care and schooling?” Clearly, my husband wants another baby fast!

“Who will take care of the baby at night? You just sleep by my side and snore!” I shouted back. And the fight went on. I remember when he accused me of being the lazy one at home. I really wish he would respect what I do for both of us.

I work at my job constantly and only come back home to dirty dishes and now, there will be dirty diapers, feeding routines and more sleepless nights to contend with all over again. My work-life balance is through the charts but I cannot put so much pressure on myself again with a baby on the way.

A baby is the responsibility of the couple and not the mother alone. I am sure all of you have experienced this: When a baby does something good it is dad’s child, but if something wrong happens, it’s because the mom never taught her anything. The bottom line is when both partners play a role in bringing a new life into this world, the responsibility of parenting shouldn’t be borne by the mother alone.

I don't want a baby but my husband does
My husband wants a baby but I don’t

I told Steve, “I don’t want to go through the trauma once again and that too this early. Don’t you remember, my gynecologist told us to have a gap of three years before a second pregnancy, as I had a Cesarean delivery?”

Related Reading: 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby

We got in a fight

He shouted,  “Don’t give me this crap. You’ve found another excuse. You must be the only woman in the world who doesn’t want a second child quickly. It is God’s will. It’s done now and both the kids will grow up together.”

I responded, “I am going for an abortion tomorrow. I don’t want a second child.”

“Do whatever you want,” he slammed the door in my face.

“Steve, I am talking to you, you just can’t decide everything in the house and boss me around. It’s my body and I have the right to plan the second baby,” I yelled after him. I know that it is his decision too for he is the father. But there is nothing else I could think of doing. Perhaps there is a better way to handle the when he wants a baby and you don’t impasse, but it evaded me in that moment for sure.

couple dynamics

I got an abortion because I don’t want a second child

I consulted a gynecologist and opted for a medical abortion – a miscarriage induced through pills. I told Steve about the same and asked him to come along, but he refused. My husband wants a baby but I don’t and that’s why he could not see me go through with it.

Steve took an off from work on my abortion day. I lay quietly in the bed half-dead as blood oozed out. Since it was my decision, Steve watched TV the whole day, cooked and ate his meal, and didn’t bother to offer me anything. My husband wants another baby, and that makes him think it is okay for him to treat me this way. The silent treatment was just not working.

This is what a woman undergoes when she decides something on her own. This is what happens when he wants a baby and you don’t. We didn’t speak to each other for a couple of weeks nor did his attitude about abortion change. Finally, I gave in and resumed talking, to save my marriage and for my daughter.

(As told to Namita Aggarwal)

FAQs

1. Is it normal to not want a second baby?

Absolutely. It is completely your decision whether you want to have one baby, two or none at all. As long as you work it out with your partner and can arrive at a reasonable decision that you both can be happy with, it is all good. It only gets rough when he wants a baby and you don’t or vice-versa.

2. Why is the birth of a second child so hard on marriages?

Sometimes when people are already preoccupied with raising the first child, raising teenagers or just have a lot going on – thinking of doing it all over again can seem pretty daunting. It’s like starting from square one again and repeating the whole routine. Sometimes, couples are not ready to go through that again.

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Readers Comments On “My Husband Wants A Second Baby But I Don’t”

  1. A woman’s body especially the wife’s is not a baby producing machine which starts working accordong to the whims and caprices of the man mainly husbands. Pregnancy is a mutual responsibility of the spouses and there is no gender defined roles in parenting. A husband who lashes on the wife not kmowing the free labour, stress, and troubles she goes through is not reliable as such. Husbands and men for this matter should respect the women and wives when it comes to child bearing, pregnabcy and their following responsibilities.

    I felt really bad about your story. Attitude of your husband seems to be anchored in the patriarchal system of India where wives are just baby carriers. Hope things change for the better for you.blessings.

    1. It’s not only with one woman but there are many cases… guys with highest degrees from various institutes also don’t give a damn about using their pea sized brain logically and behave rude with mothers giving all bullshit advice to their wives and throw tantrums

      1. Folks I understand the pain wife undergone with non understanding husband with male ego. I have another view. When not prepared for baby, couple should take utmost care so that zero failure of conceiving. Both partners are responsible and to ensure so as to no conceiving. Eventhough abortion looks to be an option, it is like murdering one’s child in the womb. Rather than doing this, take precautions not to conceive.

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