My idea of ‘equal’ relationships

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Equality, you ask? What is equality in a relationship?

After all, all relationships are a give and take process, requiring some amount of compromise. You give some, take some.

Well, it’s more than that, actually, in my humble opinion.

Equality in a relationship means to be just that- equal. As in maintaining the power balance between both partners. As in sharing everything, starting from the bed to household chores. As in both partners taking equal responsibility for everything.

Equality means there must be no discrimination on the basis of gender, and no nonsense about gender roles- I’m talking about heterosexual relationships. Of course, I know equal responsibilities also must exist in homosexual relationships- they’re also people in love after all.

Equality means that as a woman, my career is equally important as my boyfriend’s/husband’s. I should not be expected to sacrifice my career to stay home and have children just because I’m a woman.

Equality means that the decision to marry must be a mutual one- and not because I’m under pressure to because I’m a woman and need my partner for validation and security. It means we’re both responsible for earning money and run a household.

Equality means we’re both responsible for household chores. It means we both get up early and make breakfast. It means we both do grocery shopping and keep track of other stuff that needs to be done. It means we both prepare dinner in the kitchen when we come home- it no longer should be expected solely of the woman to make dinner. It means he doesn’t get to litter the house with beer and chicken wings when his friends are over for a football match. It means I don’t get to stay out late with girlfriends when he’s waiting for me at home.

It means he can take care of the dishes being done and the laundry, while I make sure the electrical appliances are in working order and the gas tank in the car is full.

Equality means we both take care of each other when either of us is ill.

Equality means we both take responsibility to rare our kid, should we have any. Equality means I get equal say in whether to have a child or not. Equality means we both together make decisions for our children.

Equality means we both get to keep our own identities while still giving our lives, time and space and energy to each other. As a woman I shouldn’t be expected to subsume myself, become his shadow.

It means there should be little problem with who makes more money. It means we both are responsible for keeping the trust. It shouldn’t be that he can talk to other women while I have to shy away from male friends- or vice versa. He can talk to female friends and I can talk to male friends, without making it into an issue. It means we

Equality means we both put in equal effort to make our relationship work. No one person should find themselves striving to keep the relation afloat while the other takes them for granted. That should NEVER happen.

Some people tell me that as a feminist, I might not find a man to love and marry.

Well, screw them. I am sure I will find a man who thinks the same as me about equal relationships.


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