Counselling

My lover has married someone else and I am depressed

My eight year long affair has ended and I don't know what to do
sad lay on a couch

Question:

Hello,

I am a married woman. I have been in a relationship with someone from last 8 years. All was well. But now he has got married and is not giving me much time. What do I do? I am feeling depressed.

Related reading: An extramarital happily ever after?

Mallika Pathak says:

Dear Lady,

I understand your situation and understand that it is upsetting you. But you need to understand that your relationship with this person might be ending.

In the first place, you were in this relationship while already married. Sometimes we find things that we want in the places that we least expect to find them. Extramarital affairs have a history of beginning for the same reason. The years that you spent together must have been great, but it’s time to move ahead.

Involving yourself further in this will not help you feel better. An extramarital affair may be fulfilling in ways that your marriage may not be, but it does have the potential of hurting you, and everyone else involved in it willingly or unwillingly.

It seems like he has chosen his priorities, and maybe it’s time for you to set your own ones too. Try to understand what you lack in your relationship with your husband, and see if you do feel like working things out. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist for emotionally processing everything that you’re going through.

Look out for yourself and take care.

Best,
Mallika

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