Question: I have been in a relationship since the past five years. My boyfriend is very supportive and he loves me a lot. He cooks delicious stuff for me and gets anything that I want even at midnight. He even cleans up in the house. But now there is a problem. The last three or four times we have argued, he has ended up beating me. Yes, beating. Not playfully – but actually slapping me and punching me at my back with holding my neck tight. Later he says sorry and he says he is upset about hitting me.
I am very happy with him but I am depressed as I don’t like being beaten up by him. It is not just physical pain but also mental pain that I feel. I tried to explain to him his behaviour but that also ended in a fight.
The thing is that I still love him, no matter how much he hits me because at the end of the day he is the one who sacrifices everything for me. He spends all his time with me and not with any friends. Once he missed an important interview and lost a great opportunity when I was down with fever. There was time when he had money problems and I was not aware of it. I was out of town for two months and he used to come and meet me. He paid for those trips by skipping meals.
But yes, since the past five years I have been in an abusive relationship, he abuses a lot and I am not able to bear all those shitty words. What do I do?
The clichéd image of an angry young hero, looks great on screen but not so much in real life. The only way this relationship can continue is if you sit with him and tell him for once and for all that no kind of abuse will ever be tolerated, much less physical. If he agrees to never hurt you again then it’s your call if you trust him enough to give him a chance or you want to call it a day.
Love is never worth sacrificing one’s respect for. If you still are in dilemma imagine if your younger sister or daughter was being beaten up, what would you tell them. That’d put you in perspective.
All the best,