Question: My partner and I have been together for about ten months now. We are madly in love and yet we are not able to stay together. He is emotionally unstable (he agrees with me) and has a hard time handling his emotions. He has had a rough childhood and feels that emotions make him weak and pathetic… and hence tries to cut them out. On the other hand he does love me a lot. We want to make it work. We don’t know how.
Hi! I can see that both of you are aware and insightful about your issues and that you wish to work on your relationship. I would suggest to you both to sit together and discuss the following:
1. What are the two of you willing to bring to the relationship?
2. What are you ready to let go off (personal traits etc.) to build and enhance the relationship?
3. How and where do you see yourself in the relationship five years from now?
Now ask yourselves the first two questions again and reassess them. This should enable you to centre and ground yourselves in your partnership and gain the perspective that you need.
Also, it would be of help to seek couples counselling and/or counselling for emotional regulation for your partner. Look for a trained therapist and s/he’ll be able to guide you further.
All the best