Affair and Cheating

My wife won’t let me drink, but my lover does!

His teetotaller wife always treats his drinking as if it were a crime. His lover, on the other hand, shares his interests
Couple drinking wine

(As told to Priya Chaphekar)

Once married, most Indian men I know prefer to drink with their boy gang or office colleagues. I was one of them. You see, it’s all rainbows and unicorns during the dating phase. You are more than happy to accept each other’s habits, even when they don’t appeal to you. But once you’re married, two versatile personalities are fused into one spiritless individual. Something similar happened to me.

Not many married people think that their spouse can actually be their best drinking buddy. But surprisingly, a study published in the Journals of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences states that couples in which both partners drank – and those in which both abstained – reported less trouble in their marriages. For now, we’ll keep the abstinence aside.

alcohol
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Related reading: Pati, Patni and Politics: How to manage differences in political views

We didn’t have much in common

You see, it’s not about how much you drink, it’s about whether you drink at all. My wife and I started dating a decade ago. She was the highly intellectual one, fascinated with academic pursuits, and I was the nomad who loved to explore mountains. While our friends couldn’t stop fussing over the ‘opposites attract’ theory, I always wondered if having some things in common would be a better recipe for attraction. Nevertheless, we got married. Although we had our differences, I was quite drawn to her homeliness and the way she took care of my family. In the course of time, I sacrificed my solo expeditions and kissed goodbye to the good Old Monk.

To tell you the truth, I’m someone who wants to live life to the fullest, which also means I love my alcohol. There’s nothing as peaceful as getting into bed with a glass of wine and a good book. Although my wife didn’t quite appreciate this regimen, she kept quiet. The tension, however, intensified after we had kids. She didn’t spare a single opportunity to accuse me of being a good-for-nothing father. She glared at me when my friends insisted I had to make cocktails at a house party. I felt like I was committing some kind of sin.

So I began making excuses and going out – sometimes to the club or at an art exhibition to drink; not get drunk.

Related reading: 7 reasons to have your own friend circle distinct from your spouse

Then I met this woman

At one such standup comedy fest, I befriended Trisha, an outwardly ornate yet so down-to-earth single girl in the maximum city. A wine connoisseur by profession, Trisha invited me to tag along on one of her vineyard trips. I instantly agreed.

lady drinking wine
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Lest I’m beginning to sound desperately alcoholic, I want to clarify that I only fancy my tipple. And the reason alcohol is frowned upon is because a majority of men still consider drinking as a manly act. So many families have been shattered because of alcohol abuse and domestic violence is rampant in the bourgeoisie and proletariat in equal measures. While the men drink, women are only supposed to dish out fried cashews and onions from the kitchen. I know a friend who is scared to drink because she associates drinking with violence. It takes her back to the dreadful night when her father abused her mother while she peeped through the keyhole, trembling with fear. I also know women who form kitty parties just to experiment with spirits and unleash their wild side. It’s a matter of perspective.

Our interests match

Over the years, Trisha and I fell in love. I believe it was more to do with our coinciding social and leisure interests. The alcohol was the cherry on the top. Madly in love, we, I confess, have had the most amazing days and nights. After spending seven years trying to woo a woman who kept getting irritated with me, who was never satisfied with what I did for her, who never made an effort to sustain the shrivelling plant of our relationship, I gave up for good. Under the pretext of work, we began spending the afternoons watching movies, evenings having intellectual conversations and nights cuddling in bed.

love couple
Image source

Maybe my wife and I could never warm up to each other. The jagged ends of our jigsaw just didn’t fit, even as we ripped the edges while trying to put the pieces together. I often hear the loud siren of the moral police, but I don’t really care. It’s one life and if you don’t spend that with the person you dreamed of being with, what’s the point of it all?

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Published in Affair and Cheating
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8 Comments

  1. Its very sad to know that still in this era there are wives who dont allow their husbands to take a peg or two. Whatever it varies from one to another….still Man only to satisfy your urge to have drinks you cant bring infidelity in your marriage…Think of your kids..You can continue boozing with your boy gang or in restro bars before reaching home …thts it..No need to do it in front of your wife..After all you are not a abusive drunkard right.

  2. Looks like you love alcohol more than your wife ! Dude real men always love one woman forever and sharing love bond with someone else than your wife just because you wanted to satisfy your alcohol urge that’s not cool at all. It’s not the only thing on this earth so important to have when you already have a family now. She might be fearful that you should not turn into a drunken buddy coz that will not be a good example to your kids , be sensible and show some respect to your family.. To be honest am not against alcohol but atleast care and feelings of your partner should be considered,That’s what is my point here. Buddy get back to your family that’s my healthy advice. Goodluck.

  3. intellectual conversations ? what kind of intellectual conversations? the ones favouring enjoying life at the cost of your partner’s trust ? sorry the article is about alcohol but ur story has nothing to do with it. you are just trying to escape your guilt and justify urself under the cover of alcohol. no matter how bad ur wife is, she z much better than u. you discarded her existence for alcohol but she is still living with a man she doesnot like bcoz living for ourselves definitely gives joy but living for our obligations gives peace of mind. choice is yours you want joy with guilt or peace with dignity

  4. It is true if wife keeps on scolding her husband he will definitely fall out of love ..it is human nature..and if someone falls out of love he may fall in love with someone else..its true for both the partners…we cant judge anyone without knwing reality

  5. To make a marriage work both the partners should take interest in each others hobbies and passions and should give him or her company otherwise passion in any marriage is lost over time…..passion being the most important ingredient to keep two old souls tied up forever

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