Sex and Passion

When the wife is in the mood

Aarti Pathak shares a friend's funny misadventure from the cricket-monsoon season.
husband watching tv

As told to Aarti Pathak

It felt like it was going to be a good day. The pre monsoon clouds had set in and so the sky was overcast and everything looked a bit dark. A mild cool breeze shook the trees around our home (maybe it was hot breeze – I wouldn’t know, I was in the AC in my room) but it all made me feel romantic. My wedding photograph caught my eye and I picked it up. For some reason I found my average looking husband suddenly very attractive and began missing him.

I thought what if he surprised me and came home for lunch instead of eating the dabba that I made and packed and sent for him. If he came home for lunch I could entice him for a leeetle bit of making out… I could na?

My phone beeped then. That explains it. My absurd behaviour is not my fault. I have just been informed by the Period Monitor App on my smartphone that I am ovulating.

feelin horny
Image source

Crap.

Related reading: She became obsessed and wouldn’t take no for an answer

Married for 21 years, I know by now that there is no chance that my husband would be in the mood when I am on heat. The wonderful early marriage days when sex was all we could think of, when alone are gone. Now he doesn’t catch my scent. Now he doesn’t catch my signs. Now he looks through me if I say out loud, “Can we do it today?” He wants to do it only on weekends – that too if he isn’t tired, isn’t bothered about work and is actually in the mood (hah!). He doesn’t have a monthly cycle of varying horny-ness. There is no calendar that his body follows that I can map and use.

sex and passion

He didn’t surprise me by coming home for lunch.

Finally at 8.30 I saw the car drive in. By now I was in my positive best. I had psyched myself to never give up, maybe tonight’s the night. I just need to work harder. Freshly bathed, I had worn the pajamas I know he likes the best on me. I had set the table with a little more style. I had made the dessert I know he loves, I pinned on a smile and a cheerful air around me all through till 10 pm, when he retired to bed. A stressed out tired man can’t be thinking of sex, I told myself. I need to keep him relaxed. I planted a soft kiss just close to his lips before I slid into bed next to him.

He smiled gently and said, “I love you.” My heart skipped and then… I heard him snore.

He. Fell. Asleep.

man snoring
Representative image: Image source

I think I cried a little on the inside. I hate masturbation! Why should I have to do it? Sexually deprived and wide awake I picked up an old tattered Mills and Boon, drudged through one poorly written chapter and then fell asleep.

Related reading: When my husband is in the mood

This morning after breakfast, as my husband left for work he turned around and said to me, “You were looking nice last night.” I smiled back uncertainly. I wanted to scream, “So why didn’t we have sex last night?” But instead seductively, I said to him, “The weekend is here.” He laughed with eagerness and replied, “Yes! It’s the India-Pak Final.”

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