No sex, please, we’re married

Feet on bed

Marriage is popularly known for being the sunset point of romance. But like most typecasts, created to conveniently overlook the mistakes that need to be fixed, marriage being a pragmatic turn to your romantic life is another. Yes, adulthood comes with terms and conditions that you are never fully prepared for and your rose-tinted glasses come off too soon. But in spite of the real-life blows that your marriage receives, your hormonal clockwork functions in a more primal fashion. So here is a little bit of motivation for you to get your ignition right.

There is a reason why you sometimes need a guiding light. Both of your spouses are busy with your individual and joint responsibilities. From finishing assignments, making the doctor’s appointment for your parents, paying bills, taking care of kids and whatnot, you feel getting into bed for anything more than a long snooze is a tiring effort to make. Does marriage take the fun out the sex?

Instead of getting frustrated and accepting the displeasure, why don’t we try and understand the root cause? Often for women after pregnancy, the hormones don’t always play for their team. Their body doesn’t seem to recognise or respond to ardour like it used to before the third party (the baby) arrived on the scene. After pregnancy women’s bodies change. The body now speaks in a language that you must patiently learn, both the man and the woman.

Couple's feet on bed
Sexless marriage

It might be that having gone through the excruciatingly beautiful and tiring experience of creating another human being, your interest in indulging in the act that impregnated you might have dimmed a bit; but this too shall pass. Other common troubles faced by both husband and wife are anxiety, stress and of course, with age, hormonal changes. Also, it does not help if your kid is sleeping in the next room, worse still if he is hitchhiking his way to dreamland on your bed every day. How about you stop trying? No, I am not asking you to finally park your sexual desire and call it off. I meant, why don’t you stop trying to have sex and concentrate on foreplay?

Related reading: When the wife is in the mood

  • Foreplay

    Yes, it is as big a deal as we make it be. Sex is just not the act but involves everything including the build-up and the afterglow. Foreplay plays a rather crucial part of your bedding ceremony. And let me get one thing straight; by pleasure, I mean pay attention to yours, which is the way to get the sync in place. Here are four things men can do for better foreplay.

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  • Quality Time

    In the busy rhythm of your daily life, your romantic life forgets its lyrics; make an effort to change that. Create time for each other, spend it together; even if that means sitting across each other over a cup of coffee and discussing the elections. It is important to have time dedicated to each other regularly to keep the spark alive.

    Couple during sex
    Important part in building romance’

  • Mind game

    Yes, this is a rather important part of rebuilding romance. Try arousing them grey cells. You did not fall in love just because you fit well in bed, but because your thoughts sync in the same frequency. Try arousing your mind; indulge in role-play, games or whatever is your groove.

  • Help

    Taking external help is not something to diminish your ego. You need a little help, love, and there is nothing unnatural or lacking in that. Thinning of vaginal tissues can make sex rather painful, which kind of mars the point of sex. Use lubricants; the gel-based ones, especially, will prove to be a loyal friend. If you visit your doctor, you might be prescribed oestrogen to apply in your vagina, which in turn helps thicken the vaginal walls and make sex more pleasurable.

  • What’s up, doc?

    Lethargy or lower sexual drive can be a result of multiple things, one of which can be health-related trouble that you need to check upon. Bladder problems, urinary tract infection, an underactive thyroid, iron-deficiency anaemia – it could be the crime of many such disorders. Go get your appointment to understand your body better. We received a piece from a man who complained about low libido because of depression and stress in his life.

    Lubricants during sex

Most importantly, do not forget to have fun. Remember that no matter what life entails, the primary part you need to play is live it. Sex breeds more of it, so instead of procrastinating and reasoning with yourself, get in there and spice up your married life. Break a leg!

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Readers Comments On “No sex, please, we’re married”

  1. True!!!

    Sex is not the only base for any relationship. There are many more things attached to marriage. Sex comes the secondary. The most important thing is to spend quality time together, this is what I feel 🙂

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