Of men in bras and women in pants

Happy girl

The principal of a government polytechnic college in Mumbai has claimed that the reason women have PCOD is because they want to wear men’s clothes all the time.

According to her, when women wear men’s clothes they start to think and feel like men. She goes on to elaborate that men’s clothes cause hormonal imbalances in women and ‘diminish (their) reproductive urges.’

The principal’s comment reminded me of the Hollywood film What Women Want. The one where Mel Gibson tries on lipstick, bra and a pair of stockings and one electric shock later, he can hear what women are thinking all the time. And according to his psychiatrist he is sitting on a gold mine.

I, for one, would barter all my gold in a jiffy if I could hear that one thought running through my husband’s head. I never receive an answer to my favourite question, “What are you thinking?” This despite wearing pants.

But look at all the possibilities that the aforementioned comment holds.

For women who don’t want to become mothers, forget protection. Wearing pants should be enough. You may have to suffer from all sorts of hormonal problems but when you are already feeling like a man, why care about hormones?

And shouldn’t this logic work in reverse as well?

Related reading: ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’ – You Need Not Be Ashamed Of Your Desires

What if marriage counselling involved cross-dressing? Before you vow to spend the rest of your life together, make sure you feel like the ‘other’. Wear the woman’s clothes and in minutes, you would know what your wife’s future relationship with your mother is going to be like!

And if you want to know whether the dowry instinct kicks in within your husband right after marriage, wear those goddamn pants, dhoti or mundu before you tie the knot to save yourself from some heartburn and real burns.

For men who are not ready to become fathers, this should be a rite of passage. Wear women’s clothes every day to kick-start those reproductive urges.

Couple switching clothes
Switch clothes to feel like your partner

Want to feel labour pains? Why not try a maternity gown? And when the baby comes around, try on breastfeeding bras that may help you bottle-feed your child when your wife is exhausted.

Also, if your wife is on maternity leave then make sure she wears the pants around the house. So that she knows that you are equally exhausted at work and putting in those extra hours over cigarette breaks.

Remember our childhood pictures? All men of our generation can proudly boast (not) of their pictures in little dresses and frocks. In fact, one friend had a childhood picture of his posted on a popular dating site by another friend. He was scarred for life.

But imagine if cross-dressing was the norm. And not just in the kinkiness of your bedroom. But outside…every day. Being a cross-dresser would imply that you are more sensitive to the needs of a woman or a man and would be ready to put yourself in their shoes or heels as and when the need arose.

Now that’s a thought I can live with. And by that logic, Scottish men in their kilts would be the most sought after.

In fact, over a year ago, there were some ‘men in skirts’ and ‘men in heels’ marches organized all over the world to raise a voice against abuse of women and women’s rights. Men came out in public wearing skirts and heels and had a field day.

There’s an idea.

Just like we celebrate V-Day, Diwali, Holi and other festivals, there should be a festival of gender reversal. Call it Un-holi or whatever you want to call it. One day in a year for all men and women to cross-dress in order to celebrate the other.

In fact, more women should participate in the month of Movember and be encouraged to grow their moustaches and really come into their own.

Can it be as easy as that? The day men from Mars and women from Venus exchange their ‘given’ spots in the solar system.

I wonder about the consequences. Would Mars then feel the heat that Venus does all day and night and would Venus understand the cold, distant Mars, aloof yet showing signs of life now and then?

Or are men and women forever cursed, just like the planets to move in their own orbits in concentric circles? Moving around the same centre, yet never meeting.

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