Navya always looked at the bright side of things- the optimist she was. “I’ve been single all my life. I am sure God has someone very special in store,” quipped the 29 year old.
Not being in a relationship obviously meant that she hadn’t been close to a man, ever.
As difficult to believe – it was a fact! A ‘hug virgin’, her friend would tease and call her. She never felt ‘bad’ or ‘needy’. She was different- and she knew that she could wait till she found someone she would be ‘really attracted’ to – to let her guard down and let someone make her feel the way she had never felt.
Navya loved hanging out with friends. She had loads of guy friends. Friends, whom she knew would JUST remain friends. She had a few crushes here and there, and knew that quite a few men were interested in her too; but there was no one who made her feel ‘different’ in a long time.
She was spoken to about a boy by a friend – good looking, intelligent, smart, well off, career-oriented, focussed- and all that shizz. All that ticked the boxes she had made ever since she learnt about ‘love’. Navya was however warned that Nikhil wasn’t the kind to get serious about anyone. ‘He’s just had a difficult break up. But he finds you cute so you should definitely meet him,’ said their common friend.
Navya was an idealist. She had never even allowed anyone to kiss her – not even in her most inebriated state did she let anyone break the wall she had built. And she wasn’t a fan of going on these arranged dates either. However, something heightened her interest in meeting Nikhil. A little bit of Facebook ‘stalking’ gave her enough reasons to want to meet him.
It took 4 months for the date to materialise. They didn’t live in the same city, so she decided to travel to Mumbai one fine day. She of course had old friends to catch up with, and Nikhil, of course. They hadn’t even spoken much after they connected on Facebook- except for a casual hi or bye once in a blue moon. They were strangers for each other. Nonetheless, they met.
The evening was magical. They ate at a romantic Italian joint, and then decided to grab a drink at his apartment. She wasn’t sure what made her say yes to going, but she did. Over her usual vodka, and apparently his scotch, they spent 3 hours talking… about life, their career, marriage, families- etc. The conversation ensued, and she didn’t remember what she really spoke about. She was quite tipsy. She was so used to spending time with her guy friends, she took it for granted that this would also turn out to be an evening like that. A casual date. She of course couldn’t help but notice how good he looked, and that she was really attracted to him!
She was so used to wearing her heart on her sleeve and finding herself at the giving end of it all. It was like a karmic pattern with Navya- to like men who never found her attractive. So she felt about herself – a theory of course rubbished by her friends! Well, someone she once loved made her feel that way, and told her blatantly, that ‘you don’t have that in you that I would want to ……..’ and he left it there. It hurt her so badly, she assumed that was true. Giving a man so much importance that every word he says (no matter how untrue and humiliating) is set in stone for you- and you end up making that your reality. She lived feeling that way for 3 years.
Coming back to Nikhil, Navya didn’t know where this was headed. In the middle of a fun conversation about music, when he pulled her close and kissed her with so much passion and intensity, she lost all sense of space and time. She didn’t know exactly what was happening. All she knew was that it felt good, it felt correct. Navya, who was always so guarded, and who always had this notion that ‘I will only kiss a man if he means something to me’, for once stopped her mind from dictating what was right or wrong, and went with her heart.
They kissed- for a while. He told her soon after, that this is what it was. They were enjoying the moment, having some healthy, adult fun, and this would mean nothing after. So contrary to her beliefs right? So basically, it was nothing but a casual make out. It went completely against her morals, her beliefs, her ideas of herself- I mean how can I indulge in something so demeaning? Those were the thoughts that would have come to her had she been sitting in her room, listening to a story of a girl in a similar situation.
But while Navya was in the moment, she realised that it didn’t really matter what would happen tomorrow, it was THIS moment that was important to her. No one had ever been able to get that close to her. Nikhil too freaked out when he heard that. He definitely didn’t want to be the man to ‘hurt’ such an ‘amazing’ girl like Navya. Well, Navya was incredible – only she never saw it.
So Nikhil, as expected, never got in touch with her since that night. They didn’t cross the line- she knew when she had to put a stop to her raging emotions. Not sure if he got annoyed, expected more, or has completely forgotten about her. She didn’t know.
The point is, that Navya decided to make this episode in life all about HER journey. A man she was in every external sense attracted to, made her feel attractive as well. Perhaps she needed that outer validation- and she got it. This isn’t a lesson- a lesson to be more careful the next time she went out with a man; but, an experience that has taught her so much. Something she will cherish not just for the way she felt in that moment, but the woman it transformed her into. She came back to her city of joy with a lot more confidence, knowing that she did after all possess that which she never felt she did.
Being physically attractive isn’t everything. Agreed. If so, then why do we run to gyms, VLCC centres, Kaya Skin clinics or to nutritionists? We WANT to look and feel good- and no matter how much we say ‘we want to do it for ourselves’, deep down, we want to look attractive to people of the opposite sex. Let’s face it- it’s the truth, and there is NOTHING wrong with it.
Navya believes that so strongly now. And no, she isn’t heart broken, hurt, or forlorn. She is happy, and to an extent grateful to Nikhil for helping her see a new side which she never thought even existed. You should see the confidence and glow that Navya wears today. She hasn’t been happier. She has let go of the memory- but she will always remember the feeling, which is okay. Some things are best kept that way.