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One-sided love: The boon in the bane

 

She had never been in a relationship. Ever! Impossible to believe, but it was true. An urban, well-educated, smart and loved by all kind of person that she was, people found it hard to believe that she hadn’t found love yet. In her mid-twenties, when almost all her mates had found their significant others, there she was- looking and longing for her once-in-a lifetime kind of love.

Her friends thought she was ‘crazy’. Someone who lived in the ‘Gone with the Wind’ days. They were aghast, at times, at her expectations; and she too, at their lack of understanding of what she REALLY wanted. She pretended to be above relationships. Happy in the most comfortable surroundings she lived in, her extremely loving and supportive family, and fabulous friends. She was thankful for each of them. But deep down, she waited. Waited for the ONE.

It wasn’t long after when she met him. They met under the strangest circumstances. It was funny, to be honest. She didn’t know him since Adam, yet KNEW that she knew him since then. The familiarity was uncanny. He hounded her thoughts for days after their first, very formal encounter. She didn’t know his name. What he did. Where he lived. Nothing. All she knew was that she had met someone she could not forget.

Was he very handsome? No. Tall? No. Irresistibly suave? No. It wasn’t as if she had never seen anyone better than him. It was the energy, that feeling, that couldn’t let her focus on anything else. She prayed fervently that night to again meet her ‘stranger’ soon.

Two weeks later, they were chatting over BBM and having late night conversations as if they had always known each other. His voice made her heart skip a beat, his name flashing on her screen made her smile, and his words of appreciation for her made her melt. She wasn’t used to this attention before. And she could never have imagined that a man who was smart and popular (among women), would show any interest in her!

Life had changed. His attention gave her the confidence to break out of her shell and explore the world. She met new people in new places, who always told that it was a pleasure to see a fresh, smiling face in town. She felt good. She was amazed at herself- doing all that she never thought she could. And she owed it all, to him.

She was in love. She told him that one night. But deep down she knew that he didn’t feel for her the way she did for him. She was mentally prepared to hear what she did. Yet, she was emotionally broken. Yet, she consoled herself. Tried to stay away for a few weeks too. Sadly, he found his way back into her life, and more strongly, into her heart.

They bonded even better after that. From occasional conversations, they went onto spending every night on the phone, talking to each other, sharing their darkest secrets. ‘I really love you’, she would often tell him. ‘I love you too, but as a friend’, is all he would say. She was happy knowing he was around and that’s all that mattered.

Sometimes, she was just a friend. At times, he couldn’t do without hearing her voice every day. On occasions, she was more than a friend. On days, he was scared to lose her. He didn’t like her talking to other guys, or going out on a Saturday night without him. He felt that she was accountable to him, answerable to him. She didn’t know what he was thinking. Neither did he, I guess. Or did he? Perhaps only he could answer that.

He was possessive of her, and so was she. They were not in a relationship of any sort. He never even held her hand. He didn’t once tell her that he wanted to be with her. But both of them, at one point knew that they would always need one another. He didn’t know how and why he got so close to her. She knew why she did. And didn’t, unfortunately do anything about it.

Amidst the friendship, the love, the closeness; insecurity, jealousy, and anger gradually made its place. Their arguments were painful. Their fights, a daily routine. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt happy. She was trying, every single day of her life, to hold onto something that was never really hers. She knew she couldn’t carry on for long. She didn’t want to give up either.

Her friends and family told her umpteen number of times that he was only ‘playing the fool’. He needed someone to shower him with unconditional love and attention, which she was giving freely. She, however, chose to ignore them all. And lived in that bleak glimmer of hope that someday, he would say to her what she always wanted to hear.

A few months later she heard that he had found someone he was completely in love with.

He is married now, to the love of his life.

 

It’s been 2 years since they spoke to each other. The day she decided to cut off all ties with him was probably the worst day of her life. She vowed, never to look back again. The end was rude, harsh, heated, and hurtful. But she knew that she had to create the gap that could never be bridged.

So why did she go through all this? Well, it’s not uncommon. So many people are victims of one-sided love. She wasn’t an exception.

Today when she talks to people about her experience, she doesn’t flinch or feel ‘much’. Quite mystically, the pain has been replaced with pride. The hurt has now been taken over by gratitude towards him. After all, how can she loathe someone who gave her life a new meaning? Who opened up her heart to a world of new possibilities? Who made her realise that she is beautiful, and deserves the attention and love that she had always deprived herself of. She blossomed with him. Everyone noticed her, complimented her. She grew, emotionally, spiritually, and became stronger and wiser. He didn’t break her. He made her.

She believes in love. More than ever now. She believes that love has the power to change you for the best. Even the pain that it gives you, works in your favour, if you choose to harness it in the right way.

She now looks forward with hope. She is still waiting for her once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. And she knows that it will happen.

Because she believes in miracles. She believes, in love.

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