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Osho: On fear of performance in sexual act

The whole humanity has lived very sex-centredly, so everything hangs there. If you can achieve a total orgasm things will immediately change. If you can go into the sex experience deeply, then you will be able to go deeply anywhere else — the depth of your sex experience will decide the depth of all of your experiences.

If one cannot go deeply into the sexual experience then one can never go deeper into anything else, because that is the most fundamental experience and the most natural experience. Your biology is ready for it, you are not expected to learn anything about it.

For example, if you learn music it is not in-built, you have to learn it. Sex is built in. If you learn poetry or painting or dancing, you have to learn it. Sex is just there — the script is already given in your biology, it is not a mind thing.

So if you cannot go deeply into sex — which is such a natural thing — how can you go deeply into music and how can you go deeply into dancing? If you hold yourself back in sex, you will hold yourself back in dance too. You will not be able to go into any relationship either, because everywhere the relationship tends to become sexual. People are so afraid….

In the West, people have become so afraid even to hold the hand of a friend because somebody may think that you are gay or something! — you are holding the hand of a man! Or if you hug a man, you will look all around: is somebody looking or not? Otherwise they will think you are queer or something. Just a simple expression of love, and people have become afraid.

If you relate to a woman you are afraid — because sooner or later, if you go deep enough in the relationship, the sex problem is going to arise. So you go only so far. You say hello and good-bye and there it ends. Then, by and by, one becomes afraid. And the modern mind particularly becomes afraid, because so many things have become known and the knowledge has not helped you to go deep, it has helped to make you afraid.

Now a man is afraid to make love because he worries about whether he will be able to make it or not. Never before in humanity’s history was man afraid of whether he is going to make it or not, whether he will be man enough. The woman is afraid — is she frigid? The woman is afraid of whether she will be able to have the orgasm or not. If she cannot have an orgasm, it is better not to go into sex at all because then it is very humiliating, or she has to pretend.

And the man is so afraid and nervous and trembling inside about whether he will be able to prove to the woman that he is the greatest man in the world. What nonsense! Just being yourself is enough — you need not be the greatest man in the world. But that fear cripples you, paralyses you.

So almost ninety percent of males suffer from premature ejaculation because of the fear, the trembling. Then it becomes a self-defeating process: once you fail or you don’t feel that you have really succeeded, then the fear settles in, then you auto-hypnotise yourself more and more. Then one day you start living out of fear instead of out of love.

OSHO

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