Marriage becomes poisoned the moment you take it seriously.
The moment you start taking the other for granted you are already in trouble; then sooner or later you will be on the rocks. Never take the other for granted; that is very insulting! To take the other for granted means that the other has become a means, is no more an end. If the other’s freedom remains intact, the marriage is beautiful. Never interfere with the other’s freedom.
The mind is very political — it wants to dominate. So marriage becomes a game of domination: who dominates whom, and how. And the whole time, for twenty-four hours, husbands and wives are trying to find new ways to dominate. Naturally, beauty is crushed, love is crushed and killed, and the whole thing that started as a beautiful experience becomes ugly.
Never take the other for granted and never interfere with the freedom of the other. And the way to do it is not to become dependent on the other, because to become dependent is a subtle way to dominate.
… don’t become dependent, remain happy on your own. Your happiness should not be dependent on [her] and [her] happiness should not be dependent on you. You should be independently happy and sometimes sharing your happiness. But it should not be the case that you cannot be happy alone.
If you cannot be happy alone you will start taking revenge, because then she becomes dominating. She is needed for you to be happy, so your happiness is no more a free experience — it is a sort of prison. And we can never forgive a person who becomes very essential to us; it is impossible to forgive that person.
So you remain happy on your own, she remains happy on her own. Remain individuals.
Passage from the book:
For madmen Only (Price of admission your mind)Published in