When two persons are in love they are free, individuals. They have freedom, love is not a duty. It is out of their freedom that they give to each other, and they are free to say no. If they are saying yes that is their decision – it is not an obligation, it is not a fulfilment of any expectation of the other. Because you enjoy giving love, you give. And any moment you can change, because no promise has been made, no commitment has been made. You remain two free individuals – meeting out of freedom, loving out of freedom, but your individuality and your freedom is intact. Hence the beauty!
The beauty is not only of love, it is more of freedom than of love. The basic ingredient of beauty is freedom; love is a secondary ingredient. Love is also beautiful with freedom, because freedom is beautiful. Even love becomes beautiful when it is with freedom. Once the freedom is gone, love becomes ugly – and then all the ugliness enters it. And then you will be surprised at what happened. Where has that beauty gone? Where has that love energy gone?
Once you get married you are settling, you are dropping your freedom for convenience sake. You are thinking more in terms of security than in terms of freedom – that’s what marriage is.
Marriage is the victory of security over the insecurity of freedom.
So of course you will have to pay the price. Security is never free, nothing is ever free; we have to pay a price for everything. For every choice we have to pay a price.
So once you get married, freedom is lost. With that freedom, seventy-five per cent of love will disappear. And the joy of it, the sharing of it, will disappear – now it will be almost a part of duty.
And the more you live together, the heavier becomes ordinary reality on the romantic quality of your affair. Small things which had never bothered you before will start bothering you. You want to go to one movie and he wants to go to another, and there will be conflict. It had never bothered you before; wherever he wanted to go you were ready to go, wherever you wanted to go he was ready to go. It was just joy to be together, wherever – the movie was irrelevant. Now to be together will be irrelevant, the movie will become more relevant – because you are together for twenty-four hours a day. In fact you are going to the movie to avoid each other.
Related reading: Osho on love as a disease and meditation as medicine
So both look into the reality and try to find out the truth. If you are not in love any more, then one thing can be done: you can be friends. There is no need to force – and love cannot be forced. If you force it, it will be hypocrisy and it will never satisfy anybody.
So just look into the thing.
You have been lovers in the past, so at least you can be friends. Just look into it!
Maybe if you decide to be friends, love may start flowing again – because again you will start being free, again you will start becoming individuals, again the security will be gone, again those elements which have destroyed your love will disappear. There is a possibility love may start flowing again.
Get back to friendship
Just as you got married one day, now get divorced and just be friends. First your love happened – you were friends, you just came together. Love arises out of friendship, and then sooner or later it becomes a relationship and there is no friendship – then it dies. If you really want to revive it again…. And I am not saying that it is a certainty – nobody can say anything about it – but there is a possibility that it may revive. Or even if it doesn’t revive, you can revive a love with somebody else, your husband can love somebody else.
Always remember one thing: to be in love is good – that is great virtue. If it is not flowing with one person, then it is better to let it be flowing with somebody else. But don’t get stuck – otherwise you will suffer, you will make him suffer, you both will suffer. And the problem is that if you suffer long enough, you will become addicted to your suffering. Then you will start feeling a sort of enjoyment in your suffering itself. You may become masochists, and then it will be very, very difficult to get out of it.