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Our First Connection Is Our First Separation – The Story of an Umbilical Cord.

Baby holding finger

An umbilical cord nurtures a baby in the womb until it is ready to get out of the womb into the new world. The mother and the baby share the same feeling and connection through this pious cord. I wonder how and what God must have thought for He created such a beautiful creation in the form of the cord.

After my baby was born, I started thinking of how she had started to live life independently, slowly yet steadily. She was breathing independently soon after she was born, the moment the cord was cut, she was a separate life; no more a part of me physically (but of course she was otherwise). But the physical connection had been broken. The cord is the first mother to each of us, our nurturer, companion, supporter, sustainer and protector. The cord is the experience of our first love and when this cord is cut off, we start to seek love outside us, in the world outside of us. The energy that the life receives inside the womb is the reason for its survival. All cords connect through this, our first connections and our first separations.

Motherhood has made me wonder this beautiful creation of love and how all of a sudden the life living inside you, is now outside and visible to you. The baby, soon after birth, is fearful of trying to breathe and feed on its own, learning new ways and techniques. All of a sudden trying to be on its own for almost everything. How can all this be learnt independently by a tiny life and that too so quick? I started to question how she was being nurtured and felt loved and protected within me and now I try and give her the warmth outside of me so she feels less fearful and more protected. I slowly start to nurture and nourish, both. And then, there comes a time when I will have to let go even this slowly so the life I have been protecting, takes a flight. An inner battle arises within me. I think of all that I have put in, all that I have done for a soul that was a part of me sometime back. But then, I have to let that soul go for even a better life that’s awaiting.

One cannot hold anything permanently in this world and such it is with an umbilical cord. The mother is simply a nurturer, only a mother understands and feels what the baby feels right from the very beginning when life makes an existence and only a mother knows when to let go too. That’s when the separation happens again. The first separation being the child’s birth. This separation revokes all the past feelings of love, care, warmth, affection, and so many more feelings of self.

Finally, there’s no greater satisfaction of feeling the umbilical cord cut off and your baby taking on its own life into the world. I always wonder how I get to know everything that my daughter feels and wants to tell me or all that she’s going through and what she needs… The answer to all this is the connection that the mother makes with the baby both inside the womb and outside. The inside one, visible and the outside one still continues without being visible but exists because of what was inside. But, we must remember that we, mothers are mere care providers and do not own any life. We simply are made to nurture and nourish and must do this the best way we can; without expectation of anything.

I remember reading a beautiful article once on parenting and would love to share here so it may help prepare you all as parents as well : You will be gone soon but the children will be here. And nobody can manage anybody else’s life though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit even in your dreams. God will take care. It is none of our business to be too concerned. Whatsoever we can do, we do, but one should not hanker about things going the way one wants. That is very egoistic. You have given birth to a child, but once he is out of the womb, he is free of you. First he depended for his breath on you when he was in the womb, then he will take his own breath. You don’t say, ‘what are you doing? Are you trying to be free of me? Trying to be independent?’ You feel happy that your child is breathing. First he will take milk from you, then one day he will start eating on his own. First he will go on clinging to your apron and then one day he will leave it. You will be happy because the child is growing, becoming mature. Then finally one day he will fly away. Bless them, and whatsoever happens they have to find their own life and their own meaning to life. Don’t be concerned with ordinary things.

I have never seen a single parent who is happy about their children. Nobody is ever happy. One thing is certain- that the child is not here to fulfill you’re expectations. The child is here with his own destiny and he will unfold his own destiny. You can only try to grow yourself. And if you cannot do so, remind yourselves of how our first connection becomes your first separation. 

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1 Comment

  1. A perfect melting-pot of so many emotions – motherhood, dependence, independence, love, care, freedom and individuality;and all the while reminding us to remember the importance of umbilical cord, cherish the presence of a mother.

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