I spoke to eminent psychiatrist Dr Rima Mukherji about the changing definition of marriage and our expectations from it. Here are some excerpts:
“If we take the age bracket of 25-35, then today’s women do not want to worship or idolize a ‘devta’ as a husband. They want a friend in him, they want someone equal to themselves and with whom they can share. He should be well established, should be do very well with kids, should be sensitive. On both sides, the expectations have increased. Theoretically, Men are very happy getting married to working woman but they are not able to handle the consequences.
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For examplethey are not able to handle the fact that their wives are not like their mother – who was always present to provide him everything- give time to child, do household chores, have a house that is very nice and looks good. Most men do not dare to speak it out, they may say this after few years of marriage. The values and attitude that you grow with, stays all your life. If you have had a domesticated mother, then the boy will want a wife like her.
Whereas a boy who has had a working mother in his life, is used to doing things on his own, is self sufficient – and is more adjusting. We seem to be in a phase of transition – these boys are equipped better – they used to come home to an empty house… they learn to live within resources and learn to adjust to life. Also they have seen their friends whose mothers used to stay at home..Whose mothers used to nag the kids saying you have to study now, you have to do this now – and the friends were not happy. Today there are several young adults who are very vehement that they need to have a working wife because they feel that they cannot have conversations with a non-working woman. They feel their needs would be actually better met by someone who is very good.
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They are contented if they do not get everything because they were not getting everything anyway.”
Something to consider?