Getting married is a huge commitment and a life-long decision. I’m not saying I regret it, but there are a few things I wish I’d known before getting married.
All the vows and promises, children’s problems and relationship arguments, and waking up to the same face every day. While that is beautiful in some ways, it can also get overwhelming or unnerving at times. That’s why these 6 people have confessed the things that changed for them after marriage, and how you can brace yourself for it.
Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married
Marriage remains a mystery, despite being one of the most important and prevalent social institutions. It’s essentially social consent for two adults to have sex and its relationship with sex has made it a topic that is glossed over and talked about from a distance for all these years.
Even the elders who usher into the institution as a couple tend to either romanticize the whole deal or end up making jokes about it. We hear a hoard of anecdotes but no one ever gets a crash course in post-marriage life before walking down the aisle.
We have to find out the quirks of marriage on our own and this can be a painful albeit entertaining process. We asked a few people about things they wish they knew before they tied the knot. Here are the answers.
1. That the ‘every day for the rest of your life’ idea is difficult
Look I get it, it’s obvious. But I wish someone had pointed out the obvious to me. You get tired of being in each other’s space, all the time. I love my husband but it’s so difficult not to avoid feeling bored in a relationship when you’re perpetually together.
We try but it’s just a lot to take in, the idea that you’re going to be with the same person for the rest of your life. Before we got married, there was the liberty of time and space to ourselves, but now we’re obliged by societal norms to do everything together.
2. You’re taking on more than just one person
Marrying someone is categorically different than dating them. Not only do things change legally, but also the way people perceive you. You stop being an independent identity and become a singular unit in society’s eyes. It can be very annoying.
If you have been in a long-term relationship like I was, the sudden change in people’s attitude toward your relationship after marriage is surprising. As if you weren’t valid in some way before you signed a piece of paper.
Relatives, even friends, start to treat your love with more respect. It makes me feel as if the whole thing was done for them and not us, which was a disturbing realization.
3. The clock seems to start ticking
One of the biggest things I wish I knew before we got married was the pressure to have kids. As soon as you’re married, even if you weren’t even thinking about kids before, the entire idea of procreation becomes a tangible reality you actually consider.
We rarely see people have children out of wedlock, and therefore, somehow as soon as you’re married you now feel like you’re allowed in some odd way to have kids. It stops being something you would think about in the future and becomes a part of your reality.
The fact that people start constantly talking about it as well never helps of course. There’s no escaping gossip-mongering aunties and their perpetual nags.
Related Reading: First Year Marriage Problems: 5 Things Newly-Wed Couples Fight About
4. I wish we had talked about money more
Society expects the man to be the provider, and we weren’t that way. We thought we were woke and would split all the bills and would be a new-age kind of couple. But what got in the way was our different outlooks toward money.
We both liked to save and splurge on things later, but the way we did that was different. I would invest, he would just put it aside in his bank. I would want to buy things, but he’d want to travel. We struggled a lot to find balance in financial planning in the initial years and I wish we had known that we were different this way so we could have planned it better.
5. The politics
It was an arranged marriage and we got along like a house on fire. Until, well, we discovered that our political beliefs were poles apart, and that began getting in the way. We both felt that one’s political leanings reflect one’s values, so it was difficult coming to terms with the fact that we stood on opposite ends of the spectrum.
We had intense heated debates and we still struggle to be honest. We love each other but I don’t know whether it’s worth it or not.
6. The sex gets better
I don’t think this is a bad thing but I would have just saved myself the worry and anxiety of the initial years. We got married after being introduced by this common family friend. It was a sort of arranged-yet-love kind of marriage.
We hadn’t been intimate before with each other but we had both had plenty of sex before with other people. What was weird was that we assumed that it would be great for us to begin with because we knew the basics but our bodies were used to different things and it took us a good while to get there.
But oh, boy! When we did get there, it was like we had finished a long marathon together. We taught each other about each other’s bodies, and it took a good deal of time and a lot of sex before it got good. We were both worried in the beginning but I wish I knew it would get better. I would have saved myself a lot of sleepless nights!
Related Reading: 9 Sexless Relationship Effects No One Talks About
So yes, anyone who has made the ’till death do us part’ vow, has sighed, ‘I wish I knew before we got married’ at some point or the other. But that’s the challenge and the fun of this ride – getting through all the obstacles together and staying strong despite it all.