He plays around but I’m not supposed to

Eggs in a love triangle

As told to Tania Dey

Relationships can be complex, and I’ve understood this over time. Men hardly want to commit these days, because they believe that commitment makes their lives boring – they can’t go on a dating spree, or sleep around with other women. Women, too have started picking up pace in the same direction. What happens is catastrophic – sometimes love comes in between.

I’ve been in love with someone for over a year, and he hasn’t promised me anything. We are doing fine, and we live in different cities. The scene is such that we may click, or we may not, but we haven’t made commitments to each other. Although he has expressed his disapproval when I see other men, which definitely means that he is territorial.

(So I don’t see other men, and I’m okay with this). But the catch lies here: he is seeing other women and I cannot express my disapproval.

There is this one particular lady from his office, (his secretary), who seems to be besotted with him. It is understandable because my man has charm that can make anyone flip, but this lady seems to stick to him like a burr. She claims to be afraid of ghosts (at 28!) and hence slips into his room in the middle of the night (when they are on long tours). She claims to know him very well, she often expresses attraction and gives him body massages (even after knowing that I’m in the picture).

sad woman in party
Jealous girl at a party

Now, strangely enough, my man doesn’t seem to be flustered with this arrangement. He claims that he is in love with me, yet he rests his head in her lap. He is familiar with the fragrance of her hair, and even knows the size of her bra. All this proximity and I’m not allowed to comment. Whenever I have commented, he has evaded the topic, and has simply rejected my doubts.

He still asserts that she is only a friend. As if friends behave like intimate couples.

What keeps me quiet is my love for him, and patience for our relationship. I believe that some day he might understand the hypocrisy of his actions, and he might try and make amends. I have nothing personal against people who do not commit, or people who believe in having free lifestyles, but I am concerned with scenarios such as this. How far have people understood the concepts of love? How far have people misunderstood them?

Related reading: Is loving more than one person wrong or just different?

Oh, the most important twist to the tale, this lady who claims to be in love with my man, is also in love with another man who she calls ‘boyfriend’. She texts him regularly and sends him messages like “Love you baby”. For this, my man gets angry. He doesn’t understand her moves. Yet he encourages her shenanigans. He never promised me anything in words but often spoke of a lovely journey ahead, with a family and kids. And on the other hand was this scene playing parallel. If this is not a cheapening of love, I do not know what is!

How many of you are open to the idea of an open marriage?

When I saw my live-in boyfriend having sex with someone else in our bed

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Readers Comments On “He plays around but I’m not supposed to”

  1. Be clear what you want and where you are heading. The men are treading two boats. For them, it looks like love is like a raw vegetable either can be owned or throwned at their wish. So pl. don’t succumb. Have clear discussion. If they don’t amend their ways, dump them and move on in finding Right X. Otherwise, you may end up as looser at the end. Also don’t rust these kind of people. They can repeat this once they marry also.

  2. Rohit Debnath

    You would you be some one’s place holder girl. Being territorial sounds nice but with your scenario its simple abuse of power. Hope you figure out quickly.

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