Pretty big abusers

sad woman

The mini series Big Little Lies that starred Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley, Laura Dern and Zoe Kravitz, raked in many Emmy awards.

As  Kidman accepted her award, she spoke about domestic violence. The fact is that many women have gone through it, are going through it and will probably go through abuse. Hardly any woman ever stands up to an abusive spouse, partner or boyfriend for fear of being bullied, slapped around or forced to undergo physical torture.

Abusive men and boys seem to be getting away with it for years and they never repent, or hardly ever. Invariably, battered and bruised women/girls are so under the influence of the spouse or partner that raising their voices against the abuse is hardly possible. I went through a difficult time as well, though my abuse was not as bad as others. I must say that during the time, I lived with fear and my sanity in general. As I look at a number of women from every stratum of society who have been under attack, it is quite startling to know that there is no accountability. I am not going political here, just wondering when this anomaly (for want of a better word) will be nipped in the bud.

I know of a woman who went through a harrowing time for decades. She escaped her torturous husband, while on holiday with her parents, but was forced to return. The lady did not breathe a word of her problem to her folks so I suppose that was why they sent her back. Once she returned, she went through hell but never spoke out. She has two sons who have always protected her and finally when her husband died, she was free. To the day, she does not say anything out of hand about him, but from the account that the sons have let on, it is amazing that she survived. That is the power of God and not man.

Another person who got married to a widower went through something similar and ran away with her child, about a decade ago. Since both share custody of the child, she keeps on a brave face and deals with the situation with dignity.

A maid that worked for us was so petrified of her drunken and abusive spouse who came and went as he pleased. She had two children out of the marriage and when the third was on the way (sex was never consensual), she had to abort the child. She cried for days because of the abortion, but knowing that she was incapable of dealing with a third child, she had no other choice.

When we look at the big picture, what is scary are the statistics. We allocate blame to multiple sources like alcohol, movies, porn or…. what is quite worrying is that a breed of men/boys believe it is their right to impose their ‘masculinity’ (really?) on their spouses, partners, and girlfriends and pretty much get away with abuse.

Like I said earlier, it is easy to bring on the political discourse, but what rattles me as a formerly abused person, physically (occasionally) and mentally (often) is that fact that these guys/men operate from some weird logic. The old discourse about the need for a progeny, the role of the parent, and all that, still stays. I wonder – whatever happened to courtship, being a gentleman and doing away with abuse, period?

The point is that a certain kind of male seems to be on the loose. However, I also know that there are many guys/men out there who are kind, sexy, generous, loving, respectful, honest, tolerant, sweet and good. I say cheers to the men and boys who are part of the larger dynamic and who do not believe in abuse. May your tribe increase. Cheers!


Readers Comments On “Pretty big abusers”

  1. Usually men have least patience and tolerance.So they exploit women more and more without giving a thought to the thing that they are nurtured by women.Women should apply their brain and beauty together to get rid of this social stigma .i.e. male chauvinism.

  2. Women need to come out – share their experiences and seek help .
    Till women don’t gather courage, abusers will continue to have a field day.
    Mothers need to bring up their sons so they grow up to be sensitive, loving, caring men and not
    insensitive, cruel boys.
    Honest piece of writing.

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