There’s enough sexist talk out there to suggest, that women are somehow mysterious, and their emotions and thoughts are inaccessible secrets, that men haven’t figured out. Really? Half the population of the entire planet, and they are incomprehensible? To top it all off, it’s often said as a positive thing, a romantic notion that prevails in all relationships apparently. When we look at it clearly, isn’t that like saying I don’t understand what my partner feels, in spite of knowing them for years. Why do we celebrate this idea so much? Women are human beings, whose response to love is the same, but their emotional expression might be influenced by cultural notions, such as patriarchy. In order to bring out the clarity, here are a few things that heterosexual women find attractive in men.
Yes it’s a cliché, and yes it is true. While no one wants to be with a person who can’t resist finding a punch line, someone who can find the humour in an otherwise volatile world is very much appreciated. Someone who isn’t without tact, but can make you laugh when required is something women look for in a man.
Related reading: Top 5 qualities women admire in their men
2. Be woke
A word that refers to people who are aware of current affairs, that haven’t been living under a rock and do not sound like the Orthodox uncles and aunties everywhere. A woke person is likely to be aware of the way the wind is flowing on issues concerning minorities. They are more likely to be on the right side of history when it comes to such issues. They are the ones who don’t make sexist and homophobic remarks, even as jokes. Those few good men are attractive as fuck, because they stand out in sharp contrast in the middle of a lot of classical patriarchs out there.
Related reading: 5 things men do to make women feel insecure
3. Be passionate
And not just about sex and romance. Be passionate about something that lights your soul on fire. If you’ve noticed when people talk about something they feel strongly about there’s a glint in their eyes that comes up. That glint, the slightly high pitched voice and rapid hand gestures that follow when someone’s discussing something they like is unbelievably sexy to women. Also make sure sports is not the only thing that you’re passionate about. My apologies but the cultural cliché of men loving sports is so rusty and old at this point that there’s nothing uniquely hot about it. Blame the gendered ways of our culture.
4. By heart it
This is weirdly specific but a man who knows even a few of love poems, or couplets in any language by heart and can quote it in the middle of a conversation as if grabbing them out of thin air is incredibly charming. As corny as it may be to imagine, knowing poetry and being able to recite it will never go out of fashion. (Urdu poetry works wonders here, just saying.)
5. Be financially responsible
Women aren’t looking for a savior nor are they looking for a baby. They are looking for a partner. Someone who’s honest about money and is aware that it’s a necessity in this world and has a plan to support him is attractive. Doesn’t matter if you’re rich or not, someone who lives beyond their means or is trying to buy affection with their money looks immature and is a huge turn off. Someone who’s in control of their stuff, a man with a plan is refreshing and a big plus if we are keeping score.
While body shape doesn’t always matter in a relationship, especially if it’s a serious one, a real marriage of true minds, it also doesn’t hurt if the person works out or plays a sport. You see, someone who goes hiking once in a while, swims, or gyms isn’t only going to be looked at because of the cute butt, but also because they are paying attention to their body. They consider their body as a temple and treat it so. Now if a man has a beer belly and yet hikes a mountain every month they come under this category too. Your body shape isn’t of concern here, whether or not you take your health seriously is.
Yes, yes bad boys are still hot but they stop being hot after a while. A man who takes time out to teach his brother the bicycle, who never misses a dance show his sister is doing, who always remembers to buy the things groceries, medicine whatever it is that his parents asked him to get when going back home, that’s the kind of man that women want to take home. It’s the responsible one, who is kind to other people, who act as if he was brought up well, the gentlemanly kind that is attractive in the longer run.
As the late Rayya Elias once said ‘the truth has legs, when everything else is gone it will still stand’ and boy does it stand. White lies are different but being unfaithful, lying for no reason, hiding things that are important, power games and manipulation are all not only deal breakers but trust breakers. If you’re honest about your emotions to the point of vulnerability, women love that. They feel privileged to know a side of you that most people don’t. It is also a sign to women that you are not afraid to let your guard down and that is a relief.
Women are basically looking for someone who’s aware of the effect toxic masculinity has on him and is trying his best to move past the effects. Who’s honest and funny and romantic? See, not so mysterious anymore.