10 reasons why I love attending the big fat Indian wedding

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Indian couples and weddings

It is a truth pretty universally acknowledged that when it comes to weddings, no one parties as hard as Indians do. Unlike other cultures, an Indian wedding does not last a day or two. No, sir. It is at least a week long extravagant celebration of colours, chaos and utter gastronomic pleasure and involves an even longer period of preparation and post-wedding exhaustion.

From delivering the invites to decorating the venue, everything is an event in itself and no one person can actually handle the trauma of having to oversee it all. Which is perhaps why wedding planners are so rare in India. After all, when it’s wedding time, every nana nani and pados ki mausi ka bete ka dost turns into the family’s very own helping hand.

Relatives arrive from all over the world, to equally stuff their faces and spew gossip while they help shop for the exquisite affair. Everything is pointed at, commented on and reorganised. Every glance and smirk tells stories that later become memories in the family wedding album. Dainty Christian church-held affairs with the bride in a breath-taking bridal gown might be a sight to behold. But even that fails to hold a candle to the sheer sensory delight, which is the big fat Indian wedding. Because hate it or love it, there is just no escaping it. And I am here to tell you exactly why I choose to love it rather than dissing it.

1. The Biryani

Buckets and tables and other humongous containers full of it. Even the air smells of the delicious goodness and keeps us from actually trying to stick to our plan to eat healthy. And if you tell me that 90 percent of the reason you go to a wedding is not for the food, you are lying.

Spicy chicken biryani

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2. The sheer number of hot people

We all know that the day is meant for the blessed couple to shine. Except that an overwhelming number of eligible and painfully single people suddenly decide to outshine the happy twosome. So there is no shortage of an astonishing amount of suddenly superhot model lookalikes around. And you are allowed to gawk all you want. Everyone craves attention on this day. And I mean everyone. Including me in my baggy food-stained T-shirt.

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3. The free alcohol

In case you are confused because the wedding you went to last, did not offer you enough amount of alcohol to drown the memories of your ex and simultaneously make you give them a call, you have been cheated. Call customer service and demand to get your money back

4. The Biryani strikes back

I know I already mentioned it but Biryani deserves more than one point.

5. The number of judgemental gossip mongers

You can judge them for being judgemental and feel better about yourself.

6. The getting to act like a real adult

After a week of stewing in your own sweat, a wedding actually gives you the excuse to force yourself to get up, brush your teeth, do your hair and take a bath so you don’t smell like death. And if you actually successfully accomplish this mission, congratulations. You are now a functioning adult. For one day at the very least.

quick bite

7. Drunk dancers

Hopefully, you are not one of them. If you are, this point is not for you. If you aren’t, keep enjoying the sight of drunk sweaty people flailing their arms around and generally being even clumsier than you. Which isn’t easy to do! As an added bonus, remember the same people will wake up the next day with blinding hangovers and having no idea what they were doing the previous night. Till they see the YouTube videos, that is.

8. The flirting

If you are a social noob like me, you actually need everything to fall right into place to summon enough courage to say hi to the person you have been crushing on since the past two years. Hopefully, they will be suitably drunk by then and facing the existential crisis of having to attend their once classmate’s wedding. Look out for the perfect moment when their face crumples as midlife crisis finally hits them and swoop in with another bottle of alcohol. Suddenly, you are their hero. Weddings, I tell you!

9. Getting to dance to bad music like there’s no tomorrow

dance in wedding
Dancing people in marriage

So you chose to be one of the drunk dancers from point. Good luck! You will need it. Tip: Avoid social media the next morning.

10. You get to make your ex-jealous

You are suddenly clean and smell nice and, by some miracle, even look pretty. Of course your ex is jealous. Unless they are the one getting married. What are you even doing in their wedding anyway? Oh, right. Free food!

There are, apparently, a million more reasons to love an Indian wedding. Unless it is your own, of course. Anyway, just ask the token white dude dressed in a Sherwani at the next wedding you go to. After a 15 minute long discussion about the colours and vibrancy, you will perhaps arrive at the same conclusion I have, that is, free food rules! Especially if it is Biryani.

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