What do we fear the most, apart from death, of course? The end of our freedom or the end of all our dreams. Losing our independence is something we all tacitly fear the most and fight against at all costs. When one loses their freedom and autonomy, it can feel like the surrender of your soul. In short, a death before death comes. And it’s surprising that people wonder if there are reasons not to get married?
Losing yourself, giving up on your hopes and dreams and having to change yourself is one of the the worst things to happen to a person. And what’s even worse is that millions of people across the world are living that life, by getting married. I am not saying marriage is the worst thing in the world. But let’s think about it this way. How many married people are actually living their dream life?
10 Reasons It’s Perfectly Okay to Never Get Married
In the peak years of your relationship, you might be convinced that marriage is the right and next logical step. But life after the wedding just isn’t the same. Yup, there is a thing known as post wedding depression which is the first indication towards realizing that perhaps this wasn’t the decision for you.
Married life brings far too many tribulations, responsibilities, arguments and restrictions that can be well avoided if you just skip tying the knot. So if you’re on the fence about whether you and your partner need to indulge in the same or not, we can help you out a little bit.
Here are 10 reasons not to get married that you should consider and carefully weigh in comparison to your own wants and needs.
Related Reading: I don’t believe in love and marriage
1. You do not need a reason to be with your partner forever
We’ve all been in long or short relationships, had our ‘forever’ moments and pinkie promises with our partners that we promised to love and cherish forever. But the mistake that we make is thinking that this ‘forever’ should culminate in marriage.
I was once in a long-term relationship, spanning more than 10 years. While we were the perfect couple to our friends and relatives, and everybody was planning our marriage, I would always question the need to get married in the first place.
Did you need a social custom when you made promises to each other? Why do you need one now to fulfill them? If you don’t believe in traditional practices by default like me, it could be one of the signs you will never get married. And what’s the harm in that? Love freely and live your life to the fullest!
2. As if break-ups were not enough, divorce makes things even worse
If you’re on the brink of planning a wedding, I’m sorry to bring up divorce to you already. But some necessary truths are important to hear. So take this as one of the prime the reasons not to get married.
When we put our heart and soul into a relationship and it doesn’t work out, it breaks our heart to walk out of it. But we know the relationship was completely our responsibility and only two people were involved. What happens when you are married and decide to walk away? I have met couples who had mutually decided to part ways by opting for divorce by mutual consent, and all hell broke loose when their families found out. Do you really want to put your families and future kids through that?
3. Deadline for your dreams
As a young man or woman in their 20s, this is the time to chase your dreams and discover parts of yourself you didn’t know you had inside you. The world isn’t stopping for anyone so you have to pick up your own pace. A lot of people these days don’t want to get married for it puts a pin in their goals and life plans.
When do you get the time to fulfill your dreams at all? Do you think you are going to have a happy married life if you have to compromise your dreams to get married? Maybe this is the reason why, despite having an otherwise perfect relationship, I never dreamt of getting married.
Related Reading: Six ways couples can achieve work-life balance
4. After marriage, everyone else’s life becomes your priority
And that is bound to happen at any cost. And it is not bad that you are supposed to take care of the people around you. But doing that at the cost of your happiness is what I was personally against. Along with your new husband/wife and with impressing your in-laws, many new people make an entry in your life.
Do you have the time, money and resources to water all those relationships? Yes, one cannot deny that you would be surrounded by love but it is your call to decide whether it is worth all the new relationships you will have to work on.
5. The idea of marriage limits our thinking
Step back and take a trip down memory lane to remind yourself how we grew up. We saw everybody around us married or getting married and then build a life together from scratch…from finding an apartment to raising kids, and everything that came after. Growing up watching adults getting married made us yearn for the same.
As children, those weddings and marriages fueled our imaginations immensely, because at the back of our minds we always assumed that we HAVE to get married someday. But did you ever step back and think that perhaps you don’t want to get married? That it was only the packaging that seemed attractive? As for me, that’s not the kind of life I would want for myself.
6. Every person has a different character
One of the most prime reasons not to get married is that there is a good chance you will find the wrong person. People are all too different and it can take years to get to know them, only to realize that they don’t complement you at all.
Some have trust issues, some find it difficult to share rooms with others and there are so many other problems that we have to deal with on a daily basis. Imagine being with somebody who thinks fundamentally differently from you and this starts making you dislike everything about them?
7. Families are involved
This makes things all the more complicated. We all love our families despite all the disagreements or problems. But it is not fair to expect that one fine day we get married and love a whole new family just like we love our own. One can try, but it becomes very easy to find fault in a new family and it is not always easy to love them like your own.
For me, things were all lovey-dovey in our live-in relationship and I have to admit that we had a perfect equation before our families decided to play a role in it. When two families are forced to come together, the problems can be many.
Related Reading: 10 Family Values That Help You Forever In Life
8. We have to give up our dearest thing – independence
Honestly, one does not even need so many reasons not to get married for this one reason itself is enough to question marriage. Just when you start to love your independent work life away from home, spending your own money on all the things you had in your bucket list for so long, you have to give it up and take responsibility for another person, even if that means compromising your happiness.
I had just started living the life I always wanted to when I moved to Portland to find a job. When I got into a live in relationship, all seemed happy and joyful until my parents and friends started asking me if marriage was on the horizon for me and my boyfriend.
9. You were not born to fulfill everyone’s expectations
Almost from the time you were born, you have been fitting some kind of role and assuming responsibilities. It starts at fulfilling your parents’ expectations, then your teachers’ and professors’ expectations, and later on, your bosses’. But with marriage on the cards, you now have to fulfill your spouse’s expectations too! And then if kids come into the picture…you see where I’m going with this, right?
When does it end? Why does it have to be that way always? Take some time and re-evaluate if this is the life you want for yourself. You should have your time to breathe easy and relax too.
Related Reading: Expectations In Relationships: The Right Way To Manage Them
10. Loneliness won’t be an issue after a point of time
One of the most important reasons why it is ingrained in us to get married is the fear of being alone. Once our parents are gone or when one doesn’t have kids, one needs some kind of family to hold onto. But loneliness will never be a long standing issue, I assure you that.
If all you worry about is coming home to someone at the end of the day, better get a pet dog! It’ll also make you look more desirable when chatting up the singles at the park. Serves the purpose and is much less demanding!
You don’t need 101 reasons not to get married because these 10 that I’ve come up with do a good job in showing you that getting hitched is not the be-all-end-all of your life.
People are choosing their own financial freedoms and personal priorities over marrying somebody. Getting married brings a horde of responsibilities that people are now realizing are avoidable.
There are many good reasons not to get married. You don’t have to deal with a whole new family, you can save up a lot of money for yourself and never have to worry about the hassles of divorce when you want to break up with somebody.
It is important to some and others just don’t want to get married. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision.