Counselling

Relationship advice needed: I said no first, but I want to marry him now…

She says that she is now upset that he has decided to get married to someone else
Relationship advice is always helpful in solving relationship problems

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now. It was a wonderful relationship but suddenly things have become complicated and I really don’t know what to do. I need your relationship advice.

Need your relationship advice…

Dear Madam,

We were madly in love with each other and he said let’s get married. I had my final-year exams and I found it ridiculous that he was insisting on marriage when I had my studies to complete. But he was really persistent. Then I got a bit angry and told him if he was that keen he could get married to someone else. He stopped bringing up marriage after that and we got on with our relationship. We would spend quality time with each other. We came really, really close. Our relationship became truly intimate. That’s when I wanted to get married to him.

He did not show any interest. I was very surprised although we kept meeting and going on dates. When I kept probing for his lack of interest, he revealed his arranged marriage had been fixed for the last two months. I was shocked. He said he could not do anything because he did not want to go against his parents. He told me he had asked me to get married but I wasn’t keen. So he said “yes” to the match. If he had told me that they were match making at home I would have given him a timeline for our marriage. I really love him and I don’t want to lose him. I really need relationship advice.

Can you please help?

relationship counselling

 

Dear Girl-in-distress,

Any relationship is a two-way street. Marriage is the same. It needs involvement from both sides and efforts from both sides.

Have a word with him

Try and have a word with him as to why he’s refusing your proposal now. Only a few days back he was so keen to marry you. How everything changed so suddenly? Just because his parents got a match for him he is going ahead and getting married? Ask if there are any concerns that he has and see how you can resolve those.

Will he be happy without you?

It is clear he loves you because you were his first choice for marriage. He kept insisting that you should get married. Maybe your refusal hurt him terribly which he never expressed. But he went ahead and took his decision to teach you a lesson. If you love each other and share a closeness, then you will find it hard to be without each other. You are saying you are still very much in touch. How will he just say bye to you and get married to another woman just like that? Love is not a mechanical thing.

My relationship advice will be to explain to him clearly

My relationship advice is to explain to him that you both need each other and his rash decision could destroy both your lives. When he wanted to marry you earlier he must have been sure that he could convince his parents. Why not do it now then? If he is hurt ask him for forgiveness and tell him to work things out for both of you.

I do understand all your concerns and I feel it should be addressed in an open way. If he loves you he will do everything to be with you. If he doesn’t care anymore, he would not want to make an effort. In that case it would be best for you to move on too.

I am sure things will work out.

All the best.

Mallika Pathak

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