Relationship Counselling: I Don’t Want to Run Away with My Love and Shame My Mother

I don't want to leave my boyfriend nor wanted to heart my parents thats why I need relationship advice

I don’t know how to start and what to say, I am not happy with my life. I don’t have a career and I am unable to marry my love because of family, caste and status issues. I am not keeping well and I feel very inferior and low.

I need relationship counselling because I am in a mess… 

I am in love with someone. When my parents were thinking of an arranged match and I had to tell them about my love. They disagreed and said that I have to forget him and marry the person they choose. My parents are absolutely against my love marriage. I am unable to forget him. I am unable to eat or sleep well. I cannot concentrate on my studies as well. I am thinking all the time and suffering from headache. Because of my love issues my parents are having conflicts with me. I want both my parents as well as my love. Meanwhile, I cannot continue my studies because of low concentration and health issues.

I was good in my studies. I completed my B.Tech. I studied in a well reputed school and college in my locality. My good performance was mainly because of my mother’s hard work. My father didn’t share any responsibility with her. I cannot leave my mom and marry my love because I love her too.

How do I convince my parents for love marriage?

But the person whom I love is still not settled. He is just a year older to me. As my parents are forcing me to forget him and marry someone else, he is asking me to come out from my home and marry him. I am confident that he loves me a lot but I cannot leave my mom and go. Society kills people with their words. I won’t go like that. My mom is my first love and cannot put her in such a spot.

At the same time, I cannot marry the other person either. I am so disturbed that I cannot concentrate on my career.

sad woman
Sad, lonely woman sitting on the beach

Dear Girl,

I understand how you must feel, torn between duty towards parents and love for your boyfriend. I am glad you reached out for relationship counseling. Let’s gain some clarity on your issues.

The Internal Conflict

You say you love your boyfriend but would not like to hurt your mother. You haven’t mentioned your age so it’s tough to give you any concrete solution.  Love is a highly overrated word these days and many students find themselves in it at a young age.  Your boyfriend is just an year elder to you and is yet to settle down,  so this is not the right time to marry. One requires income to live and that is absent right now.

Caste Issues

If you are considering marrying out of caste,  please understand that you may need to adapt to different food,  attire,  way of life,  habits,  language,  customs,  behaviour etc. Can you do this? This may not be as small an issue as you think or feel.

Duty Towards Parents

Your mother has made you capable enough to stand on your own feet.  B.Tech is no small qualification.  Please don’t be dejected at the turn of events. This decision has more to do with what is best for you. So, it’s not just about your duty towards your mother.

Health is Wealth

To be able to do anything in life one has to have good health. All that stress is not doing you any good. You need to adopt a practical outlook right now and not an emotional one. What seems good may not be right for you and what seems right may not be good. Don’t you want to be working somewhere and becoming financially independent right now?  Please don’t disregard your efforts in gaining this qualification. A woman must always be financially independent in today’s world.

Even if it doesn’t work out with your boyfriend, it is not the end of anything. Your life is yet to begin. Please think carefully and take the right decision.

Take Care

Kavita Panyam

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Readers Comments On “Relationship Counselling: I Don’t Want to Run Away with My Love and Shame My Mother”

  1. i want to jammu to attend my bfs sister wedding.told my brother after returning as he used to constatly nag me to show photos .i lied at my home about going somewhere else.
    my brother told my parents about i dont have my phn ,plus my brother dont allow me to talk to my bf anwhere.
    hr threats me he will told dad .i dont want to run from 22 year old.

  2. A very good suggestion from counsller.

    Pls apply your mind and find the right solution.
    Pls don’t ruine your 22 years relation with 2 to 3 years relationship.
    No one can have another mother in this life.
    Keep your mother happy.


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