How do I announce my divorce among friends?

Kruti | Posted on 29 Jun 2016
Counsellor : Deepak Kashyap
Ask Deepak | How Do I Tell My Friends About My Divorce? | Bonobology

I have not told anyone except my three best friends. It was an arranged marriage and it failed. The reason I am not telling anyone is that I hate the questions, prejudices and the judging that accompanies it. Is there a good way to break this news in my circle or is it prudent to keep it the way I have done so far? I am tired, and I don't really have the energy to deal with negative vibes. Please help. 

Dear Kruti,

You have just gone through a big life event, so give yourself a hug and a big break. It is okay to not want to deal with news of divorce with the imminent urgency. It is done, and it affected your life the most than anyone you think deserves to know or will find out.

The reason I ask you to give yourself a break, is because when we go through a majorly difficult event in our lives, our thinking abilities are not at their highest, to say the least. And we require a lot of good and powerful thinking to deal with all the questions that would come our way. You would come across the changes in social circles and would also have to deal with the social end of your marriage.

While you keep to yourself (the news of your divorce coming through) or amongst some close friends you mentioned, practice the art of treating opinions of anyone (including yourself) as opinions and not as facts. The fact is that you are no longer married to the man that you were married to. That’s it. Now the stories you tell yourself about the fact are your opinions and equally important would be what stories do you tell yourself about the “proper” behaviour you expect from others. Right now accepting self, others and the situation is an important way to go.

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