How do I handle my crush on my boyfriend's bff?

Name Withheld | Posted on 25 Aug 2016
Counsellor : Deepak Kashyap
Ask Deepak | I Have A Crush On My Boyfriend's Best Friend, Please Help | Bonobology

Q : I am having a huge crush on my boyfriends bff. He too is giving me hints. Without his knowledge we do hold hands, it gives me a strange kind of high. I know this is wrong but I am also feeling happy doing this! Should I tell my BF the truth before it's too late?

A : Yes I would have a conversation with your boyfriend if I were you. If he finds out on his own it would be a harder situation to handle. Understand this about feelings - just the appearance of a feeling is not invalid, nor does it make you a “bad person”. ‘Thought crime’ is not a very favorable and functional idea in my book.

Having said that, I do want to emphasise that how we act on those feelings, and the real-world effect that we have on people and ourselves, is what needs to be scrutinized and questioned. It is not an ideal course of action to cheat on your boyfriend, whether it is with his friend or not. I do concede that “boyfriend’s bff” does make the situation more sticky.

We all will look at and be attracted towards others, regardless of whether we are happy with our partners or not. These feelings are largely led by our biological needs and a fear of missing out on a “better partner.” Almost all of us will experience this feeling (fear) now and again, however one of the marks of maturity is to gain skills to deal with conflicting emotions and process them with your lover. I wish you all the best!

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