Q: We’ve been sexting for more than three months now. No pictures exchanged yet. He asks, but I tactfully change the topic, because I think he might leak them. He seems distant somehow now, maybe he’s sexting someone who will provide what I don’t want to. Should I be direct with him and say if it has to be, it has to be IRL (in real life) not URL? (We live in different states.)
A: It is absolutely okay to make known to anyone you are sexually intimate with in real life or on online, what your personal limits of comfort are. If they can’t seem to respect it then you will get an answer to a bigger question: Should you be even intimate with them at all? The act of telling someone one’s fantasies via texting is also an act of being sexually vulnerable with them and showing trust in their abilities to honour that vulnerability. I do not have a negative opinion of people who do exchange nude pictures online. On the contrary, I want to affirm your view and say that your fears about your pictures being leaked outside are valid. It has happened to a lot of people. The Internet is awash with horror stories of this nature. I want to congratulate you for sticking by what you value, and I also want to say that it is okay if someone asks for it; neither they nor you are made any less by the preferences that you have for online intimacy.