They say you cannot love somebody unless you love yourself and I swear by every word of this. This thought crossed my mind when I happened to have a chat with a dear friend of mine, Mira who was recently blessed with a baby. But before beginning to write about her present, I would like to share a little bit about the kind of person she has been even before marriage.
Mira, just like most of the young girls was very outgoing, passionate about things she loved to do, very social and active when it came to her independence and believed in freedom. She lived life on her own terms and was an absolute positive person. She had been a working woman all her life. She had many aspirations to fulfill which eventually she did. Admist all this, came the biggest day of her life when she got hitched. She was very excited as she had found her prince charming, a true gentleman! They had the best phase of their lives, celebrated every moment. Days, months and years passed when they finally decided to grow their family. They were then blessed with a baby, who they were eagerly waiting to welcome. Their lives changed for the positive and more happiness surrounded them. Like many mothers, she was initially in for a lot of change in her life, including time, lifestyle, sleep, and so many other changes that followed motherhood. Her husband too would play equal part and roles when it came to baby care. She was truly blessed. Days passed and she got better with her responsibility with time. She had quit her job for the baby and was thoroughly enjoying it. Initially, she was more positive about the changes that came into her life, but as months passed, she started to miss her old times too along with the happiness of the present. Somewhere, she knew her life had changed all over and really big in terms of work and social life. We all know how much change a woman goes through and the life for a man doesn’t change as much as it does for a woman. And here she was, in a flashback mode, thinking about it all.
Now, here’s the present day chat with her that followed. She always opens up her heart to me to feel better and why not, we were school friends after all. She mentioned to me about how she watches her husband continue to do the same things as he did before having a baby. He continued to have the same routine as he did, same social and work life. Not much of a difference. But for her, it was an absolute change of life. She did not know if she was jealous of her husband for he could still do everything that he did or was she missing her husband’s time that he gave her earlier because now she got totally busy with the baby everytime. And when this happens, every human deserves a break. A break that gives some free time from the routine, which was the baby for her. Her baby would take all her time which is normal with most mothers. She thought that her husband liked to spend more time outside home than inside not because he loved her less or that the love between them had changed but may be because life wasn’t the same after a baby. Responsibility grows and with this change, the man of the house remains unchanged when it comes to his routine. A Mother would think twice before stepping out of the house but usually, a Father doesn’t because of whatever reasons. This was creating an issue.
As days passed, she started to lose control of herself and arguments between the couple began to grow too. She would try and make him understand what’s the matter with her. But what could a husband do? Then one fine day, she finally started to look within herself for the reasons and also introspect as to what could get her life back to what it was other than the love of having a baby. She knew the baby was the best thing that ever happened to her. But she needed to find herself and her time back too.
I then told her that the answer was within her. I told her of how she should start finding happiness with herself than depend on somebody else for it. Days passed after this chat and one fine day, she called me back and this time she was sounding better than the last chat. She told me of how she did things and took out time for self to engage productively. She would utilize the time when her baby was asleep. She would pamper herself, try to plan her things. She tried to focus on her inner self. She fell on her baby to spend quality time, she started visiting places with her baby rather than waiting for her husband to give her that time. Arguments reduced because of this. She made trips and outings with her daughter and was much happier after all this while her daughter was growing too. Now, she is also trying to get back to work, figuring out new career for herself. She was happy to think on these lines but her time with her daughter was what gave her most pleasure now.
Mira had finally started accepting the changes once again. But one last thing that I still suggested to her was that while it was good to fall on her daughter for quality time and happiness, she must know that even she will go away one day, she will have her own life, own friends one day and then she will be left alone once again. This is the life of a woman. She tries to find happiness all around her and her loved ones. But what’s important is to learn to romance with solitude and now, she’s trying to learn exactly that.
Lastly, to all you lady readers, I don’t want to sound depressing, but this is the reality. One needs to love oneself and be responsible for happiness of self and not fall on somebody else for it, even if that means your most loved ones. Family, friends, husband, children will definitely love you but you must also love yourself and give yourself that priority you deserve….. Celebrate yourself…… So are you romancing with solitude from today?