Struggles and Scars

Why romantic love eluded her but the #MeToo moments kept occurring

At every stage of her life, she has been subjected to harassment and abuse, making her embrace the #MeToo campaign wholeheartedly
lady crying and man abusing

(As told to Yasmin)

Why I can shout Me Too often and loudly

The #MeToo story has been going around for a while now, and it is a great way to kick the creeps in the right place and take them to task. I am all for it, having been at the receiving end from a huge battalion of creepy crawlies who did not think anything about treating me like a piece of ass. Here is my story; call me Anike.

Growing up, I met a couple of creeps

In my early years, I was infatuated with the idea of romantic love. My first love was in my early teens, and the boy was in college. We spoke a bit and when we did get to be alone, I was fondled. I did not know what to do, but I believed that this was what was expected of me. My first #MeToo moment. I did not want this to happen – I was just 13, he was 20, but it happened. Today, I realise that I was underage and since he was much older, this was rape. The relationship ultimately fizzled out because of some drama.

Years later in college, I met a boy who I went around with for a while. He ‘introduced’ me to oral sex. I hated the idea – I had never even seen a penis, it was scary. He took me for a bike ride to a faraway place and I was expected to perform, he forced my head down and I had to swallow too. #MeToo again. I was firm about keeping my virginity intact and for that, I suppose I am happy that he did not force me with penetration. The relationship ultimately fizzled out, I started working, he went back home.

sad women
Representative Image source

Related reading: Why accepting a date is NOT an invitation to rape

When my boss took advantage of me

Work culture was not as great as it should have been, but I was earning and loved it. When I changed jobs, I was the ‘chosen one’ by the boss who had a glad eye for anyone in a skirt. The rape occurred and it was the worst #MeToo experience of my life. My life changed afterward. I shut down emotionally after I found out that I was pregnant. Then I had an abortion. I was lost and did not speak about this to anyone, because I was ashamed and believed that I had brought it on myself.

It took me a while to get back on track with going out with friends and members of the opposite sex. After a few years, I met a nice person and believed that I would settle down. He wooed me, wined and dined me. I was enamoured. One day when he used me, he kept the door open so that another friend could watch. #MeToo I lost the plot by then.

Related reading: How to tackle the rise in popularity of rape videos and porn in India

Marriage and me too

struggles n scars native

Ultimately, I did settle down with a man who was great and understanding. He broke down many barriers and I was finally relaxed. I kept on with the blowjobs, attended to the sexual needs of the spouse, but when it was anal penetration, I howled. It was painful. When I refused, I was kicked and shoved around with mental and physical torture. #MeToo here too. I was pretty broken inside. He was very demanding sexually. I tried to make it work – actually, we both did. I would like to allocate the blame to me, since I was not ready to handle what he wanted. We called it quits pretty ‘amicably’, but I was quite done with men, having had my share of trauma.

I end now, not an embittered woman, but someone who has met through her fair share of #MeToo moments. Some may opine that I had it coming because I was promiscuous. But I never was. I was just a girl. This is me now free. Free from sex and the pain that it brought to the fore for me, free from demanding men, life is better.

Why you should raise your voice and say “Me Too”

I know I’m being abused but I live in hope

“Those in power taking advantage of those less in power” – Kalki Koechlin on the many facets of sexual abuse

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2 Comments

  1. I agree with you there Preeti Goyal. Anike has been through the ring. Though she made her way out of the ordeals her pain remains.

  2. It really gets difficult for any girl who suffered from these #Metoo moments. Even you try to forget it, the glimpse of those moments keep running behind your mind and as such you are not able to trust and find pleasure with any man as you are really scared of that pain.

    I completely what the girl must be going through in above case. But you need to be strong and even if your husband is giving you the pain, don’t suffer!

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