Marriage is like a Roulette. You never know which one fires!
Just look around you. How many “happy couples” do you see? How many of you reading this, are not faking your own happy marriage? The diminishing law of marginal utility kicks in every marriage whether we agree or not. Question: Is there a fool proof successful marriage plan? Answer: is there water on Mars?
So let’s use some basic common sense and bucket each phase of marriage. Here’s how :
1. Marriage Infancy Zone : 0 -2 years:
- Don’t share bank accounts.
- Don’t have kids.
- Don’t stay with parents
- Do explore each other’s deglamorized side.
- Do get out If shit happens, don’t be in a denial mode.
2. Marriage Toddler Zone: 2 – 5 years :
- Do not start compromising in the name of marriage or love.
- Do explore in laws and other relative things.
- Do get out if you realize you are principally /fundamentally apart.
3. Marriage Pre Teen Zone:5 – 10 years
- Do not have a child if you are still experimenting with your life or career.
- Do not give more importance to financial readiness over emotional readiness to have a child.
- Do discuss, how you would like to bring up the child?
- Do have sex. Regularly. Differently. Un-routinely.
- Do not have a child by an “accident”! or under peer or societal pressure.
- Do not fear an exit, if any of the above parameters change, and start afresh.
4. Marriage Teen Zone: 10: 20 years
- Do not be the martyr in bringing up a child alone. It’s just not a mother’s responsibility alone.
- Do not erupt at a less than perfect reaction of the man to a “cute expression.”
- Do not keep revisiting facets from Toddler Zone.
- Do plan financials jointly. Know your investments, insurances, and liabilities.
- Do leave the child with in-laws, and go out on your own. Periodically. Space.
- Do not fear an exit, if none of the above works.
5. Marriage Adult Zone: 20-40 years
- Do not pay more attention to children than your spouse. Let them be.
- Do not spend time with the relatives more than friends.
- Do not worry about the frequency of sex. Focus on quality.
- Do activities you missed out in Teen Zone because of children.
- Do find one hobby which will last beyond your work years.
- Do not fear an exit if none of the above works.
6. Marriage Dead Zone: 40 – whatever years.
- Don’t worry about marriage now.
- Don’t worry about children now.
- Do worry about being there if needed, either by spouse or children.
- Do relax and die happy.
There. That is how all marriages will work out just perfect. Yes ?
No. marriages find strange reasons to work or not work, there is no fool proof mechanism. If you are destined to face shit, you will. But the use of common sense and some grit will make it a little easier to go through it. Don’t bind yourself with self-created rules, instead, free your mind from all such traps and design to be happy until such time you live under one roof.
But if you can’t then don’t be afraid to get out of it. Because, skill, is balancing on a tightrope across the Worli Sea Link, intelligence is trying not to do it.