Second Marriage Problem: There is Communication Gap and Disrespect

After second marriage love and respect both were gone

I am a 42-year-old woman with a husband and 6-year-old kid. I had an arranged marriage, the second time. My first marriage, which was a love marriage unfortunately did not work out because he was not willing to assume responsibility.

My second marriage is a failure 

The second marriage took place in 2011 and from the very beginning I felt that though there is stability and security there is no love, no respect. There is a huge communication gap between us and also my romantic expectations and the reality of marriage were poles apart. He is posted abroad for the last 4 years while I am living in India with my son. Beyond the basic communication, we have nothing to share. Whenever I have tried to get close to him, I have opened myself to judgment and criticism so I have stopped doing that long back. Ours has become an unhealthy relationship.

I found love after marriage

Two months back, I met someone in the course of my creative pursuits.  Whatever in the world it is, our souls are made of the same stuff. We crave for the same things, we enjoy similar pursuits, but we are both married with kids. Our situation in life does not permit us to visualise a future together.

It is as if drops of water have fallen on the parched ground after decades and there is no letting go of the love and comfort we both find in each other’s company. At the same time, I do not know how I shall stay divided like this.

What should I do?

Couple not talking
Unhappy couple not talking to one another

Dear Lady,

It’s wonderful that you’ve found a soul mate. But who said that soul mates have to be married or sexual partners or you have to be living together. Soulmates can be amazing friends who love each other immensely.

My relationship advice is… 

There are all kinds of marriages and all kinds of husbands and all kinds of companionships. I’m unsure about the current status of your relationship with this friend. But if you share this amazing bond why not nurture this friendship the way it is? I’m not the right person to tell you what you must do because it’s your call to make. How you wish to nurture this bond is completely up to the two of you.

I wish you all the best and that you continue to find love, companionship and friendship in each other without the pressure.

Snigdha Mishra

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