Sex And The Single Woman – A Story

Sex and the single woman

Women in the 21st century are empowered enough to make their own choices regarding relationships and sex. Sex and the single woman is a topic everyone wants to discuss like hot gossip on a boring day because everyone want to know what an uncommitted girl is up to.

Despite all the freedom and choices, sometimes things can get lonely and the desire for something more stable kicks in. The perception is sex and single life is the ideal lifestyle, but how long can you go without a sense of security and love?

Sex And The Single Girl

Whether a short-term affair or a marriage, single women sex is the talk of the town when a woman has just come out of a committed relationship. Having sex with a new person everyday isn’t as exciting as it seems after a point and you feel the need to re-consider your priorities.

Sim and Nia are sisters separated by miles for over 12 years now. Both women, in their early 40s, have been trying to maintain their connect through sending each other daily letters. Sim is an ophthalmologist and Nia is a geophysicist.

To give you some context, Sim began writing letters to her sister, to not only let her know about the details of her failing marriage, but also to get some closure. This is the story of sex and the single woman who got lonely from time to time.

Related Reading: Why Do Single Women Date Married Men?

The first letter

Dear Nia,

I was discussing work with Gary today. We are planning on expanding the clinic and he had once mentioned that he would like to invest. So I spoke with him at length and he seems to be excited about the expansion. If all goes well, the new clinic will be up and running by the end of this year. Ah! The benefits of having school friends as investors.

For a guy to have female friends after marriage is rare, and I was glad we could maintain this sort of a relationship. As I was about to disconnect the call, I did ask him that one question I’ve had in my head for some time, which I mentioned to you as well in yesterday’s letter. I asked Gary, “Why don’t men share their emotions? Why don’t they tell the women in their lives what they feel?

After what felt like a lifetime, he said, “They do! I tell my wife everyday that I love her. What makes you feel otherwise?” I felt a tear trickle down my face as he said that and I quickly disconnected the phone, thanking him for his help for the clinic.

Single women sex
I wish I had someone to kiss me everyday and tell me they loved me

I was jealous of people in love

Nia – no one had said that to me in years. No one had told me that I am worthy of love or that I am loved, ever since I divorced Manny. I know you will tell me exactly what all those self-help books talk about. Love yourself first and all that. But wouldn’t it be nice if someone would tell me every morning that he loves me. Or, at least once in a fortnight.

I wish I had someone who would tell me that I matter to him. I don’t even remember when someone said that to me. When was the last time someone made me feel special? Gary’s wife is really lucky. I sent him a text in the evening telling him that.

Related Reading: How To Not Feel Lonely When You Are Single And Looking For Love

It’s not that there are no men in my life

For the last 4 years of running my clinic, I have met so many men – every single day. In fact, both you and I have so many male friends. My friendships aren’t gender-specific. So many men walk into the clinic on a daily basis. Some patients have become friends over time and some investors in the clinic.

Some are open enough to ask for sex and some keep leaving vague hints through conversations for dinner and “the coffee” which would follow. I get compliments like, you are great to talk to, I can discuss everything with you, I like your intellect etc. I was familiar with all the signs a man is pursuing you.

In their eyes, sex and the single woman is always available for them. I wonder if this is how they would have treated me if I wasn’t divorced. It’s true that men will always remain men. The concept of boundaries and consent isn’t clear to all the men out there.

I still get lonely

Sex and the single girl

Manny and I were great together. Sometimes, I feel he was the only one who has ever been able to understand me. If only we both could control our tempers, maybe we wouldn’t have been divorced. I still miss him at times….if only.

Nia, every time I give in to sex with these random men thinking it will make me feel complete, loved and wanted, I feel more empty and used. The hollowness kills me. I feel as if all I am doing is giving without getting anything in return. Not even a genuine compliment. No one to tell me that I am wanted or needed.

There was this one person I questioned regarding his intentions and he was honest enough to say to my face, “Well, you are single, I am sure you will have your needs! I am trying to fulfil that.” He told me that this life – sex and the single life – is every woman’s dream, but we never speak about it out of shame. He also told me all about the friends with benefits rules to swear by.

“You fulfil my needs, I fulfil yours – that’s it. Why do you want to bring emotions into all this? Don’t overcomplicate. Have fun and move on.” That statement made me feel worse. Some women hope to get love by giving in to sex. If only someone would understand.

Why Nia? Why me? My karma… maybe…

Till my next letter tomorrow… take care…

Love,

Sim

She cried herself to sleep that night. But somewhere, miles away, someone she had forgotten, spent that night flipping through his diary wondering how to tell her that he loved her. The story of sex and the single woman remained incomplete.

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Readers Comments On “Sex And The Single Woman – A Story”

  1. Damn! i had tears in my eyes. The story, its ending left me longing for more. Being emotionally expressive is not everyone’s cup of tea. But then every single human heart longs to be validated verbally. That’s why i strongly believe that we must put that effort to express our love. Because, life is too short to lose the love we deserve.

  2. I do not know why? but this story is not something to just read and scroll away. I, genuinely, felt bad about her. She is such a lonely person. The last lines just left me in pain. GO PATCH UP WITH HIM, HE IS YOUR MAN is what I will love to scream.

  3. “Somewhere, miles away, someone she had forgotten, spent that night flipping through his diary wondering how to tell her that he loved her”- What an ending. This is so true. I mean we long for a person who would take care of us or at least say that they care but may be there is someone who silently does and we don’t know. Simran’s story is a great example of modern day loneliness syndrome where we tend to enjoy loneliness although we whine about it. I am sure Simran goes through a lot everyday but I would advice her not to be sceptical about life and start trusting again.

  4. I feel it happens due to mis-communication. Males love can be felt from their actions not from their words. Moreover both when in relationship fails to accept each other and tries to change each other. It starts getting the situation worsen. Sex also creates problem. Sometimes one of the partners shows as if obliging other one who took initiative is labelled as he or she does not have any other work other than sex. Sex is the blood of the married life. Success of married life depends not only on the basis of understanding but how both deals with their misunderstandings.

  5. Paveen Thimmaiah

    At certain point in our lives we all feel the need to be loved and accepted the way we want. Someone to tell us “I love you, need you, you are beautiful”!!! But, in reality it’s still a feeling…a thought…a need…!!! Lucky are those who get those compliments and acceptance. I strongly feel and believe we need to be vocal about our feelings…it helps.

    Regards,
    Dr. Paveen

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