Women in the 21st century are empowered enough to make their own choices regarding relationships and sex. Sex and the single woman is a topic everyone wants to discuss like hot gossip on a boring day because everyone want to know what an uncommitted girl is up to.
Despite all the freedom and choices, sometimes things can get lonely and the desire for something more stable kicks in. The perception is sex and single life is the ideal lifestyle, but how long can you go without a sense of security and love?
Sex And The Single Girl
Whether a short-term affair or a marriage, single women sex is the talk of the town when a woman has just come out of a committed relationship. Having sex with a new person everyday isn’t as exciting as it seems after a point and you feel the need to re-consider your priorities.
Sim and Nia are sisters separated by miles for over 12 years now. Both women, in their early 40s, have been trying to maintain their connect through sending each other daily letters. Sim is an ophthalmologist and Nia is a geophysicist.
To give you some context, Sim began writing letters to her sister, to not only let her know about the details of her failing marriage, but also to get some closure. This is the story of sex and the single woman who got lonely from time to time.
Related Reading: Why Do Single Women Date Married Men?
The first letter
I was discussing work with Gary today. We are planning on expanding the clinic and he had once mentioned that he would like to invest. So I spoke with him at length and he seems to be excited about the expansion. If all goes well, the new clinic will be up and running by the end of this year. Ah! The benefits of having school friends as investors.
For a guy to have female friends after marriage is rare, and I was glad we could maintain this sort of a relationship. As I was about to disconnect the call, I did ask him that one question I’ve had in my head for some time, which I mentioned to you as well in yesterday’s letter. I asked Gary, “Why don’t men share their emotions? Why don’t they tell the women in their lives what they feel?
After what felt like a lifetime, he said, “They do! I tell my wife everyday that I love her. What makes you feel otherwise?” I felt a tear trickle down my face as he said that and I quickly disconnected the phone, thanking him for his help for the clinic.
I was jealous of people in love
Nia – no one had said that to me in years. No one had told me that I am worthy of love or that I am loved, ever since I divorced Manny. I know you will tell me exactly what all those self-help books talk about. Love yourself first and all that. But wouldn’t it be nice if someone would tell me every morning that he loves me. Or, at least once in a fortnight.
I wish I had someone who would tell me that I matter to him. I don’t even remember when someone said that to me. When was the last time someone made me feel special? Gary’s wife is really lucky. I sent him a text in the evening telling him that.
Related Reading: How To Not Feel Lonely When You Are Single And Looking For Love
It’s not that there are no men in my life
For the last 4 years of running my clinic, I have met so many men – every single day. In fact, both you and I have so many male friends. My friendships aren’t gender-specific. So many men walk into the clinic on a daily basis. Some patients have become friends over time and some investors in the clinic.
Some are open enough to ask for sex and some keep leaving vague hints through conversations for dinner and “the coffee” which would follow. I get compliments like, you are great to talk to, I can discuss everything with you, I like your intellect etc. I was familiar with all the signs a man is pursuing you.
In their eyes, sex and the single woman is always available for them. I wonder if this is how they would have treated me if I wasn’t divorced. It’s true that men will always remain men. The concept of boundaries and consent isn’t clear to all the men out there.
I still get lonely
Manny and I were great together. Sometimes, I feel he was the only one who has ever been able to understand me. If only we both could control our tempers, maybe we wouldn’t have been divorced. I still miss him at times….if only.
Nia, every time I give in to sex with these random men thinking it will make me feel complete, loved and wanted, I feel more empty and used. The hollowness kills me. I feel as if all I am doing is giving without getting anything in return. Not even a genuine compliment. No one to tell me that I am wanted or needed.
There was this one person I questioned regarding his intentions and he was honest enough to say to my face, “Well, you are single, I am sure you will have your needs! I am trying to fulfil that.” He told me that this life – sex and the single life – is every woman’s dream, but we never speak about it out of shame. He also told me all about the friends with benefits rules to swear by.
“You fulfil my needs, I fulfil yours – that’s it. Why do you want to bring emotions into all this? Don’t overcomplicate. Have fun and move on.” That statement made me feel worse. Some women hope to get love by giving in to sex. If only someone would understand.
Why Nia? Why me? My karma… maybe…
Till my next letter tomorrow… take care…
She cried herself to sleep that night. But somewhere, miles away, someone she had forgotten, spent that night flipping through his diary wondering how to tell her that he loved her. The story of sex and the single woman remained incomplete.