Sex is significant. It is significant for me. We Indians are still way too inhibited to discuss our bedroom secrets even in our private circles, let alone in public or on social media! But I am not. I tend to shock many with my uninhibited ways; some even try to gag me, to no avail. Sex is a topic I openly read about and often discuss with friends, girlfriends and loved ones. Why be ashamed about a core fact of life? I have always had several questions, myths, assumptions regarding sex, both before and after marriage. More so, after conceiving and giving birth. My body underwent so many changes pre and post-partum. Some physical, some emotional, most hormonal. And, honestly, the prime question on my mind prior to giving birth was, will sex go out of window now?
My spouse and I did attempt to have sex while I was pregnant. But since it felt too awkward, we gave up after a few tries. So, it was about nine months of intimacy, without the intercourse, per se. After the baby, for sixty days, of course for biological reasons, sex wasn’t possible. I yearned awfully for my husband every day, despite post-partum and newborn nursing stress. While intimacy was fine, (our romance never once waned through all these months, in fact my sweet spouse was all the more supportive through this entire phase) sometimes my body and mind did long for that extra spice...if you know what I mean! When biology finally gave us its consent to hit the sack together, it felt like we were transcending a million light years to witness a glorious meteor shower! Everything was good until the big O was interrupted by the censor board — new-born wails. Alas, this married couple did not have its way on that magical night. The first of many such.
So, how easy or difficult is sex after the baby? A fellow male writer wrote his piece on Bonobology a few weeks ago. I have discussed this pressing issue with a few close friends as well. For some, it is easy, when the baby has a separate bedroom or his/her own crib. But, what about most Indian families where the baby co-habits the same bed as his parents?
My child, for example, does not sleep a wink without me next to him! So, we patiently wait for him to doze off into REM sleep prior to canoodling.
A friend of mine made it clear that she wouldn’t let her baby share her bed; and hence bought a crib. But, when the baby fell sick and badly wanted to snuggle next to momma, all her plans of intimacy were scrapped right there. As the baby refused to get back into the crib again and wanted mom all to herself! Another friend always resorts to the floor and swears by the success rate of this tried and tested formula. It works well for her because the slightest creak of the bed awakens her kids, and she likes it wild! While another friend confides that he makes out in a cozy corner on the foot of the bed with his wife, while his babies occupy the larger space in the bed. Compromise accepted - all for a good reason!
Some parents ease their children off into separate bedrooms when the time is right. Nobody would want to be caught red-faced in the middle of action, right? And furthermore, be faced with an unending, embarrassing barrage of questions by a toddler! Yes, parenthood is a daunting challenge. And sex after a baby certainly is more of a challenge. What’s your situation? Do share your tips and stories in comments below... Cheers!