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Shaadi cancel! Why a breakup is better than a lifelong bad marriage

What to do when you are stuck in a dead-end marriage or relationship? Is it better to break up rather than suffer through a lifetime of a bad relationship?
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You may not get it right the first time

Someone wise once said that Bollywood has much more to offer us than trashy item numbers and stalker-turned-heroes. The same someone, also known as good old me, believes that a lot of life’s lessons can be learned from the twisting and heart-breaking tales of love and hatred that the industry gave us.

One such lesson came in the form of the movie Dear Zindagi, where India’s forever crush Rahul-naam-toh-suna-hi-hoga a.k.a. Shahrukh Khan offered us some life-changing advice. It is okay to fall in love with a lot of people, he assured us. It is also okay to fall out of love with these people. Sometimes it is meant to be, sometimes it just isn’t. After all, people take so much time in choosing a mere chair, sitting on various ones and trying to judge what fits exactly. So of course you are allowed to take time when choosing someone you are going to spend a lifetime with.

After all, people take so much time in choosing a mere chair, sitting on various ones and trying to judge what fits exactly. So of course you are allowed to take time when choosing someone you are going to spend a lifetime with.

If it fits, well and good. If it doesn’t, it might just be time to pack up and leave, no matter how much it breaks your heart.

It does not matter if everyone gives you the stink eye and calls you names. It does not matter if you can’t exactly put into words exactly where things went wrong. You do not owe anyone an explanation. You only owe yourself a lot of courage to keep standing by you and to know when to call it quits. So in case you came here looking for the strength to do exactly that, here’s why a breakup is way better than a lifetime of being stuck in a bad marriage.

 

unhappy wife
 Image Source

 

You will never be fully happy

It is true that all relationships require adjustments and compromise. But when your entire relationship is just based on putting up with each other when you don’t want to, you will never be truly and fully happy. Both of you will try to find happiness somewhere else, in work or in affairs. You will see the nasty sides of each other and resent coming home at the end of every day. A bad marriage means a lifetime of this misery and, like that saying goes, life is too short for that shit.

It will start to affect your mental health

We might think that making society and our parents happy by marrying someone they approve of but you hate is not such a bad idea, but, believe me, none of us is ever ready for the life of misery that follows. After all, humans are self-centred creatures. If we do not take care of our own happiness, it will start affecting our mood and mental health.

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Related reading: 15 signs your marriage is on the rocks and almost over

You will start to lose yourself

If you are in denial and continue to be in a bad marriage, you will at some point start to lose yourself. Since you defied your basic instinct by choosing something or someone else over your own happiness, you will never be fully comfortable. Even if you can’t point out exactly what is bothering you, you will start getting pissed about the tiniest and strangest things and end up being an eternally cranky person.

worried woman
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You will start resenting your partner and yourself

If the reason you are choosing to stay in the marriage is because you have this fear of society’s and your partner’s expectations, sooner or later you will not only start resenting your partner and the society but yourself for being such a wimp. And that’s definitely not a happy feeling.

Your children will bear the brunt of your fights

Since neither of you will be happy in a particularly sucky marriage, you will fight a lot. Each with bring out the other’s nastiest side. And guess who has to put up with all this nastiness? Your children. If you have any, that is.

Related reading: Why do women stay on in abusive relationships?

Life will start to lose meaning

It is said that the aim of all humanity is the pursuit of happiness. If we chose to give up this pursuit and doom ourselves to endless frustration and misery, of course, our lives will cease to have meaning at some point.

Everyone grows up with the very romantic idea of spending their lives with their first love. But reality often messes up our carefully laid plans. If we are lucky enough, our first love might actually love us back and we might end up deciding to spend our lives together. But in most cases it is an unreciprocated love and we are forced to get married to someone we barely know. And we then choose a life of compromise over one of happiness, because of how afraid we are.

Compromise : Image source

But while various religions will tell us about other chances and afterlives, in all probability we only have one shot at this thing called living these incredibly short lives. And if that is truly the case, why do we so often use up this short precious time being stuck in a dead-end marriage or relationship? Honey, you deserve better than that. So pack your favourite t-shirt, take all of your savings out and leave this sordid mess of a relationship, before you are stuck there forever.

I am stuck in a loveless marriage for the sake of society

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Vasanthi Hariprakash: “I’m flawed, but I think it’s so much better than trying to be perfect.”

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1 Comment

  1. Commitment phobia is something that people are ashamed of. Like so rightly said by SRK in Dear Zindagi, it is okay to fall in love multiple times, and it’s also completely alright to fall out of love multiple times. A human’s actions and decisions, need not always have clear cut reasons behind them. Rightly said in this article, never crouch up your entire life in a bad relationship or marriage, fearing what the society would say and such likes, coz you have just one life to live and cherish.

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