Counselling

Should I divorce my abusive husband?

Separated for a year, things have not improved in my marriage...
An upset woman, thinking

Question:

Dear Ma’am,

From the beginning, my in-laws have been abusing me. As the days passed, their behaviour continued to be more and more abusive. Soon my husband started blaming me for their behaviour towards me and then he too started abusing me mentally and physically. I tolerated as much as I could thinking that one day everything will be fine… but nothing changed.

Finally, I decided to leave his house and I came back to my parents’ home. Even a year later he blames me for everything. Now I don’t understand what to do, should I take divorce or not. Please help…

Relationship counselling

Related reading: I’m being harassed by my in-laws

Snigdha Mishra says:

Hi!

I’m so proud that you’ve taken the courageous step of standing up for yourself and moving out of a home that clearly disrespected you. The psyche of an abuser doesn’t change. Since your husband has shown no compassion, love, respect or empathy for you in so many years, what makes you think he’ll show you any now? As far as getting a divorce is concerned that’s something only you have to decide for yourself.

Answer the following questions for yourself to get clarity:

1. Do I wish to stay with a man like my husband? (Consider what you want here, not your family, not anybody else – only you).

2. I have to create resources to help myself financially. (Consider your education, your job… even if you haven’t worked. Are you willing to do so or will you need to do so to sustain yourself?).

3. How supportive is my ecosystem? (Consider your parents, siblings and friends. Your decision must not be based on what they think, but which of them can help you through the process. You do not have to or need to convince any of them to support your choice.)

You do not have to or need to convince any of them to support your choice.

4. This is my battle and I’m willing to give it all that I have. (If you choose to stay, there’s enough evidence that the abuse will continue. If you choose to separate, you’ll have to stand up and support your self despite everything else. Are you ready? Or rather, are you willing to be ready?)

I hope answering the above questions helps you gain clarity and make a decision. What’s a relationship worth if there is no love and respect in it anyway? Choose wisely and choose for yourself, not anyone else.

All the best!
Snigdha

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