A marriage takes a lot to be successful. It sure is a lot of hard work. Add the bills and the kids and other social pressures, and you feel it difficult to connect with each other. Slowly, you may even drift away, without even knowing. Now, most of it is normal, but sometimes, it is not. You may just not notice that your husband has checked out of the marriage.
You both see each other on a daily basis. He gives you the assurance that everything is okay. But then, your gut feeling keeps telling you that something is wrong – he is not honestly making any efforts to make the relationship work. Mentally and emotionally, he seems to be distant. This is a clear sign that should wake you up and encourage you to take initiatives to save your married life.
What does it mean to have emotionally checked out of marriage?
When a spouse emotionally checks out of marriage, it means that he/she disconnects from the relationship. The person becomes totally indifferent to how the partner is doing, where the relationship is headed and how the relationship can be made better. He/she behaves as if there is no hope left in the relationship, so he/she does not bother to make the relationship work.
Physically, the person might be present, but mentally, he/she will be somewhere else. An emotional distance is created between the couple, and the distance keeps increasing to such an extent that the relationship becomes a bitter struggle for both the people involved. There will also be a communication gap between the couple. Both of the people in the relationship will feel that their needs are not getting fulfilled.
Related reading: 20 warning signs of a cheating husband
12 signs your husband has emotionally checked out of marriage
If the situation described above seems familiar to you and you have a feeling that things are not the way they are supposed to be, then it is high time you took some action. First, let us list some concrete signs which will help you identify whether the relationship with your husband has lost its charm or not.
1. He becomes highly critical of you
In a relationship, you are expected to accept your partner completely and be generous towards your partner. But if your husband becomes highly critical of you and becomes angry even at the small things which never bothered him before, then there is something wrong for sure.
2. He is sharing things with others, instead of you
As a wife, you will expect your husband to share his concerns and desires with you. You should be the first person with whom he should share things. However, if you find your husband sharing his personal stuff with other people, then it is something you should think about.
3. He gets upset when you fail to do something that he assigned to you
When your husband notices continuously that you are not fulfilling your share of responsibilities, then he will obviously not depend on you and become annoyed with you. Ultimately, this will lead to an emotional breakdown of the relationship.
4. He becomes extremely intolerant
The things he found adorable about you now seem to irritate him the most. He becomes absolutely intolerant towards you and you are always receiving grunts and eye-rolls from his side, instead of love and affection.
Related reading: My husband does not appreciate me or support me
5. There is lack of playfulness in your relationship
Gone are the days, when you both laughed together and enjoyed spending time with each other. The playfulness and merriment that marked the beginning of your relationship are missing. Your husband is not happy to be with you and remains distant from you.
6. He fails to keep a check on you
Earlier, he used to keep calling or texting you, just to know what you are up to. But now if he fails to do so and does not bother to ask about your day, then it means the connection between the two of you has been disrupted.
7. Sex becomes an uncomfortable phenomenon between the two of you
Your husband avoids becoming physically intimate with you. Even if you both get physically intimate, it is rather forced, and thus you both feel uncomfortable.
8. He becomes self-centred
Instead of thinking about you two, all he does is think about himself and his happiness. So, he will not spend his weekends with you, but will make his own plans with his friends or colleagues. This kind of self-centred attitude is for sure an indication of an emotional disconnection.
9. He evades taking responsibility
He does not fulfil the role he has in the relationship. He avoids the responsibilities that come with a married life. However, if you do not fulfil your role in the relationship, he quickly blames you for the problems in the relationship.
10. He seems distracted when he is with you
When he is on a date with you, does he keep checking his phone? Or when he is at home, does he keep himself busy with his laptop? If your answer to these two questions is yes, then it means he is not paying attention to you. He is preoccupied with other thoughts and things.
11. You have doubts about him cheating on you
If you continuously feel that he is cheating on you and you find him getting attracted to other women, then he has probably checked out of the relationship already.
12. He seems unhappy and depressed
Obviously, since he is emotionally checked out of the relationship, he will be affected by it. He will seem unhappy and depressed about it.
Related reading: Signs your husband is having an affair
Once you are sure that your husband has checked out of the relationship, you have to assess the situation. You have to do all in your power to make the relationship work, if you truly love your husband.
5 ways to get him to check in back to the marriage
Here are 5 ways in which you can save your marriage and help your husband become emotionally committed to the relationship, once again.
1. Understand why he is doing this
You first need to understand why he is emotionally distant and why he is behaving like this. Is it something that you have done? Have you failed to give him enough time and attention? Once you understand him, it will help you to reach out to him.
2. Communicate with him
Misunderstanding and distance is created between two people because they fail to communicate with each other. Therefore, you must take an initiative to talk to him and know what bothers him. If you are able to address his concerns, then probably he will be able to reconnect with you.
3. Rekindle the love and passion between the two of you
For this you both have to spend time together and walk down memory lane. Maybe the happy memories of the past will allow you both to rekindle the love and passion that has become lost between the two of you.
4. Do not nag or smother him continuously
When you decide to make your relationship work with your husband, it is essential that you give time to him to reach out to you as well. Do not nag or smother him and give him his due space in the relationship. Probably, by seeing your efforts, he will check back into the marriage again.
5. Approach a counsellor for help
As a last resort, you can approach a marriage counsellor for help so that he/she can guide both of you, in the best possible manner.
Work on your relationship slowly and steadily and be patient. It will take time, but soon your marriage will recover from the hardship that it had to go through, and your relationship will emerge as a successful and mature relationship. Good luck!