“To err is human.” We’ve all heard this phrase a billion times over but it only hits home after the deed is done. We all mess up at various points in life, and unfortunately, often don’t realize our mistakes until it’s too late. Naturally, these mistakes become the source of regrets, the burden of which we carry throughout our lives. Sadly, we can even mess up in picking our life partners. When the “I married the wrong person” realization hits home, the regret and agony can be too overwhelming.
Yes, making mistakes is normal and unavoidable. But when it comes to something as serious as marriage, the repercussions of choosing a spouse who isn’t the right fit for you can be grave and life-altering. Realizing that you married the wrong person can hit you like a bolt out of the blue and take a heavy emotional toll.
However, acknowledging signs you married the wrong person at an early stage and fixing your mistake or working on your marriage is much better than suffering in the long run. It is important to keep calm and composed in a situation like this.
If you have lingering doubts that you married the wrong person and you can’t seem to shake the feeling off, look out for the warning signs. Knowing that you have a problem at hand can make addressing the pain of marrying the wrong person somewhat less daunting.
10 Signs You Married The Wrong Person
At the beginning of most relationships, everything feels like a dream. A fairytale in which you meet your prince charming or your beautiful princess and live happily ever after. While this may be true for some couples, a lot of them also learn that marriage is anything but a fairytale.
Yes, even a healthy and happy marriage is far from a fairytale and needs constant work and effort from both partners. However, when you end up marrying the wrong person, it can seem like you’re fighting a lone battle against mounting odds and all your efforts to turn things around are being sucked in by a bottomless pit.
In such marriages, spouses may face some serious issues that don’t seem to work themselves out, despite all effort. Often, one spouse is more affected than the other. If you’re that spouse, you may find yourself wondering, “I feel as if I married the wrong person, what do I do now?”
When this happens, the person who meant the world to you at one point in time might begin to seem like a complete stranger. It can be a frustrating and disheartening place to be in. But you have to pull yourself together and learn to address the pain of marrying the wrong person.
However, before you get to that point in your marriage, it’s imperative to make sure that you’re jumping to any conclusions lightly. For instance, one ugly spat or going through a rough patch where you can’t see eye-to-eye on anything doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.
So, what does? Here are the 10 tell-tale signs you married the wrong person you need to look out for to find the answer:
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1. Fights are a regular phenomenon
It is common for married couples to fight and have their differences. In fact, relationship arguments can be healthy for a couple’s bond. However, that holds only as long as both parties fight fair and don’t willfully hurt the other person. But when fights become alarmingly frequent and get ugly, it is cause for concern.
If it seems like all you and your spouse do is fight, you’re right in questioning, “Did I marry the wrong person?” And in case, fights and disagreements result in physical violence or abuse, there is no doubt that your spouse isn’t right for you.
In such circumstances, it’s prudent to not give your spouse the benefits of the doubt and take the right steps to ensure your safety as soon as possible. Make arrangements to walk out and inform the authorities right away. Yes, the pain of marrying the wrong person can be too much to handle when you’re bruised both physically and emotionally but protecting yourself is paramount.
Even if your partner is not physically violent, verbal or emotional abuse to gain an upper hand can take a huge toll on your mental health. So, don’t let it slide. The more unresolved conflicts you have in your marriage, the more the chances that your partner is not compatible with you.
2. You feel lonely
Marriage is all about companionship with a person who makes you feel whole and who loves you at times when you don’t even love yourself. On the other hand, if you feel lonely, unloved and incomplete more often than not, you can count it among the signs you married the wrong person. Or if you find yourself trying to avoid your partner’s company more often than you seek it, it is time to reflect upon your marriage.
Linda and Marcus have been married for close to a decade but she consistently feels unloved and unfulfilled in her relationship. Marcus is emotionally distant, and his interactions with Linda revolve around the practicalities of keeping a household running.
Linda was at a friend’s place for lunch one afternoon, when her husband walked in. He leaned over to kiss his wife, and asked her, “How was your day, love?” That intimate moment snapped something inside Linda. “Not once in all these years has Marcus ever checked in with me. Did I marry the wrong person?”
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3. Your priorities clash
When you marry someone, you both come together to share a life and it is only fair that you take decisions keeping each other’s interests in mind. You both make compromises to make the relationship work. It is crucial to prioritize the needs of your partner because they are a vital part of your life.
Given that marriage is a long journey of togetherness, it’s natural to find yourselves at loggerheads over conflicting priorities at some point or the other. However, when you end up marrying the wrong person, the clash in priorities is a recurrent pattern in the relationship.
In such a relationship dynamic, either one or both partners constantly prioritize other things over their spouse and relationship. This is an ominous sign.
4. You are unable to connect to your spouse
In a marriage, love changes its forms and evolves as you grow together. That heady rush of dizzying emotions gives way to a more stable love that runs like an undercurrent, pulling you each other. However, if with the passage of time, you realize that you’re losing feelings and love and warmth are fading from your bond, it’s one of the signs you married the wrong person.
There is nothing to talk about and even the silence is uncomfortable. There are no stories to tell, no excitement; just plain old monotony. Your relationship is dry and dull and it feels more like you’re roommates than a married couple. If you find yourself in a similar situation, you may find yourself losing sleep over “I married the wrong person, what do I do now” thought.
That’s understandable. After all, excitement, communication, sharing and bonding over conversations are important aspects of a marriage.
5. You were just wedding obsessed
It may sound harsh but it’s also the truth. The chances of marrying the wrong person amplify if you’re obsessed with the idea of a dream wedding and barely pay attention to the marriage that begins after the wedding.
If you relate to this, chances are that you ignored apparent red flags in your spouse in a rush to walk down the aisle. Perhaps, it was a subconscious worry about the ticking biological clock or the compulsion to check off an important life milestone from your bucket list that blindsided you to their flaws. The bottom line is that a rushed decision to tie the knot can blow up in your face, leaving you grappling with the pain of marrying the wrong person.
This is a strong sign that you should look deeper into your marriage and reflect upon the fact that you probably put more thought into choosing your wedding dress than your life partner.
6. Lying has become common in your relationship
Dealing with a lying spouse can have devastating effects on a marriage. Charmaine and Jack got married during a trip to Vegas while still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. They carried the tendency to put their best foot forward and hide their flaws, which is common during the early days of any relationship, into their marriage as well.
To hide their not-so-pleasant sides, they began lying to each other. Charmaine would hide her shopping bags and sneak them into the house when Jack wasn’t around. And Jack would make up excuses of being stuck at work to indulge in this addictive fondness for online gaming. The pack of lies began to unravel eventually, leading to a host of trust issues in their marriage.
They both came to the realization: I married the wrong person and filed for a divorce. If lying is a way more common phenomenon than it ought to be, it is a matter of concern.
7. Your partner disrespects you
One of the strongest warning signs that you married the wrong person is when your partner always tries to put you down. Marriage is about caring, supporting and uplifting your significant other. While love and trust are often celebrated as the cornerstones of a healthy partnership, respect is an underrated aspect that is just as important if not more.
If there is a lack of respect in your relationship and your partner demeans you by using your weakness and vulnerabilities against you, it could well be an indicator of marrying the wrong person. It is unhealthy to stay with someone who constantly makes you feel horrible about yourself and is always trying to bring you down.
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8. Your married for financial security
Marrying someone based on their income is not the smartest move. Money is fleeting. Income may vanish but an emotional bond lasts forever. You can try, but all the Gucci in the world won’t bring you joy when you’re unhappy in your marriage.
If you have nothing in common with your spouse and that gnaws on you constantly, it’s one of the signs that you married the wrong person. Besides, if you and your spouse are not compatible and they have the upper hand on the financial front, they will invariably leverage it to control you and call the shots in your marriage.
This can lead to a toxic power struggle in your partnership, which can augment the pain of marrying the wrong person.
9. You keep craving love
If you find that love and affection have no place in your relationship whatsoever, you married the wrong person. You both are unable to love and be there for each other either physically or mentally. Love is the glue that holds a marriage together. Without love, there is little to look forward to in a marriage.
Of course, love between spouses changes forms and evolves over time. However, it remains a pivotal partner of the connection. If you feel unloved and uncared for in your marriage, count it among the signs you married the wrong person.
You deserve happiness and that fulfilling feeling of being loved and desired. So, take a pause and try to find an answer to, “I married the wrong person, what do I do now?”
10. One of you engages in infidelity
Adultery is the most definite sign that you’re not meant to be. In case you have caught your partner cheating once, or worse, multiple times, it is high time for you to end the relationship and move on in life. On the other hand, if you are cheating on your partner, be upfront about it as it is proof of the fact that you are not happy in your marriage.
Infidelity in a marriage is a sign of deep-seated unresolved issues. If this breach of trust is accompanied by other signs you married the wrong person, there may not be hope for salvaging. Since you’re the right fit for one another, the chances of surviving an affair and healing from it are abysmally low.
It is best to end a relationship in which one or both partners are disloyal.
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I Married The Wrong Person, What Do I Do Now?
Marriage is hard at times and entails its own kinds of struggles. These struggles become even more daunting when you marry the wrong person. “I married the wrong person, what do I do now?” You may find yourself struggling with this thought a lot when the realization that your partner isn’t right for you hits home.
However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the end of the road for you and your spouse. Before you call it quits, you ought to try and give your marriage a new lease on life. If you see no point in working on your marriage, remember:
- No relationship is perfect: Remember, there is no perfect person or perfect relationship in real life. The fact is you have to work hard to make your marriage anything close to your idea of perfect. It isn’t easy, but it is possible
- Losing interest versus marrying the wrong person: Don’t confuse monotony in your relationship with being married to the wrong person. If you are losing interest in your spouse try to rekindle the spark by going out for date nights and doing other activities that you used to enjoy when you fell in love. Do not keep thinking that he/she is the wrong person for you
- Practice healthy conflict resolution: Practice healthy conflict resolution strategies to resolve issues in your life and try not to make mountains out of molehills. While in a fight it’s best to take a step back and analyse the situation instead of getting carried away in an emotional outburst. Cooling off will help you put things into perspective and not blow things out of proportion
- Divorce is the last resort: Divorce is not the solution to all your problems. Never think about it as a solution until and unless absolutely necessary
- Amicable separation: Once you have tried and tested all the ways to make your relationship successful but nothing seems to work, you both can discuss ending the marriage on a mutual note
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Don’t hang on to a marriage that’s not right for you and your spouse just because you made a vow to stick together “through thick and thin”. Yes, you owe it to yourself and your partner to try to make things work. However, if you feel like your relationship is beyond saving and you see all the signs you married the wrong person, mentally prepare yourself to let go.
Always remember, that the hallmark of a successful relationship is that the good times must outweigh the bad. Of course, you will fight and go through tough times and rough patches. However, when your relationship brings you more pain than joy, it is time to think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person or not.