Q: I am having constant fights and arguments on various things with my boyfriend. There have been a lot of misunderstandings and we have had face to face confrontations, still it hasn’t helped. Lots of untoward incidents occurred. I need help badly. In an angry outburst I slapped him publicly which was wrong of me and he broke up with me. After hassling him for two hours he came back a day later. Help me please.
A: Physical violence is not acceptable in any circumstance as a way to negotiate and express feelings, whether these acts of physical violence are being committed by a man or a woman. I don’t mean to say that you are a violent person, but the act in itself points at two things, as I see it: 1) There is a lot of resentment and frustration you are harbouring against the way things are in life at the moment and 2) You have not learnt skills to deal with what’s happening around you.
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You guys seem to have a lot of incompatible point of views and ways of doing things that need a tremendous amount of work, going with your description of things, to come to a functional state of affairs. If you really want this relationship to survive then both of you will have to make a concerted effort to see a therapist and work through the issues that you mention. I would even go to the extent of saying that even if you have decided to leave the relationship, it is still worth going for counselling just by yourself to figure out why you reacted the way you did and what skills are required in you to deal with similar situations in future. Use this instance and experience of pain to gain self knowledge. Don’t waste this struggle.