People are different, unique and they belong to different cultures, identities and have different personalities. These are often determined by religion, social status, education and their own definitions of values and traditions. What may be a total no-no for you may seem like a trivial concern to others because in their culture or religion it’s okay. But these trivial differences can create rifts in long-term relationships. It is important to realize your differences before forming bonds with people. If you don’t do that it could lead to breakdown in a relationship.
We list 5 factors that could lead to breakdown in a relationship because of your different backgrounds
Gender biases are very subtly ingrained in our society and you never know when it could raise its ugly head. I was the only child so there wasn’t a brother to take away any attention from my parents and I always got 100 percent from my mother. But I realized her bias when my son and daughter were growing up and I came to know my mother gives the best pieces of chicken or fruits to her grandson and ignores her granddaughter. She believed that “a man needs to grow up strong.”
Gender bias creeps in into the most liberal homes when daughters are taught to cook and sons are allowed to play.
Daughters-in-law are expected to do household chores after coming home from work while sons can put up their feet and watch football.
This gender bias leads to resentment and hence breakdown in a relationship. For instance in the film Chak De, they showed how many girls had to face gender discrimination by their parents, boyfriends, husbands, when they wanted to achieve in hockey.
Infidelity could be acceptable behaviour
Many cultures believe that a man is allowed to be unfaithful, or take another woman, as long as it is discreet and not “serious”. They claim that a wife cannot keep him sexually satisfied especially during pregnancy, so he has the right to look for gratification elsewhere. Some societies believe that the onus is on the woman to keep the husband interested and that’s why the focus is on physical grooming and lingerie. If he starts cheating then also the woman is blamed for being uninteresting. Breakdown in a relationship happens because infidelity is a sign of a failing marriage.
Acquiring illegal wealth
Raju was from a lower class slum-dwelling family, who didn’t go beyond the 8th standard in school. He was hard-working and got good breaks in life: Government tenders in electrical contracts and road-building. Soon his wealth grew in quantum leaps. His wife and only son and parents were very happy with this change in their standard of life. But even they did not need any more than the luxury they were enjoying. So Raju took to finding pretty girls, he would shower his black money on. To the best of my knowledge, he did not indulge in any sexual transactions. They were eye-candy, good for a drink and dinner. I wished he had adopted some orphans for life, instead. But this did not go down well with his wife and his marriage began to break down. His wealth ruined his family life. What he thought was good source of entertainment was look down upon by his own family. So there was a complete difference in value system. This could lead to failed relationships.
How you treat others
Sameer was a good match in every way and Sulu was very happy until she caught up with the way he would treat people less fortunate than him. Waiters, servants, even beggars on the road were people to be treated with disdain. He would claim that they must have been bad people in their past lives and that karma was paying them back. This, of course, extended to stray dogs on the road. Sulu never trusted people who did not love animals and this attitude caused the marriage to breakdown.
Sara was amazed to hear from her maid that she was beaten up for some minor infraction. When she advised her to report him to the police, she said, “Madam, what is the use of a man who doesn’t beat his wife once in a while?” Sara came from a mild and very compassionate family where even a raised voice was rare and a click of the tongue from her father would mortify her to tears. Incapable of understanding this strange reaction to violence, she now works at an NGO that changes the mindset in women on what is acceptable behaviour.
It is of utmost importance that one agrees upon standards of values and norms in living together with a group of people. This is particularly important in intimate relationships. It can be said with no doubt that the only indubitable standards are those of love, trust, honesty, integrity and communication. Otherwise toxic relationship problems would persist.