Society easily accepts a heterosexual partnership
In a society where being straight, getting married, having kids and being “settled” is seamlessly accepted, gay couples often have to crawl their way to enjoy equal benefits. Having said that heterosexual couples have many things to work around their relationship; which they share with their partner and not the society. Gay couples teach them how.
Read more: Love in the time of section 377
1. Relationship is held together by choice and not by pressure
For a gay couple, in a country where section 377 is still held, being together is a choice and not something that is forced upon. Straight couples get married and then later seek to find love in their partner. Gay couples can teach them to love one another and keep the relationship because they want to and not because their parents and families want them to. Straight people can learn to get married by choice from the LGBTQ world.
2. You do not need kids to make a marriage last
After 3-4 years of marriage, straight couples need children or at least the family starts pressurising them to have kids. Gay couples do not need kids to make their bond last. Having a family with kids is not wrong but having them for the incorrect reason is. Straight folks need to work on the marriage together rather than bring in a distraction of a kid for a few years and wait to grow old when they no longer are desirable and also because they are left with no choice but to be with their spouse.
3. Equality is what keeps it going
Gay couples often are friends first and then spouses. In the straight world, once you are married, you also marry the package that comes along with the other person. This leads the heterosexual pair to believe that one is bigger than the other and many times, in social gatherings, they have to play such roles to be easily accepted. Gay couple do not have inhibitions about this in their love bond. They treat each other as equals. Typically if a wife earned more than the husband, this would lead to the man’s ego being hurt which is rarely a case in a gay pair. It is a popular saying among heterosexuals that what is husband’s is also the wife’s however what is wife’s is only wife’s. Gay couple can teach a true sense of equality to straight folks.
4. Gender roles need not be defined
Recently a Bollywood movie called Ki and Ka brought out that gender roles need not be defined by the society. Gay couples live it in reality. There are no fixed roles and they share the load, in its true sense. Who said that the alpha male in the relationship has to also be the provider and the submissive, shy female needs to be rescued? These are some rules which straight couples need to learn from the queer community. It is really up to the couple to decide their roles or who knows sometimes even swap them to keep the spark in the marriage, whether in bed or otherwise.
5. Make your own rules and boundaries, not the ones made by society
In bed or otherwise, who defines the rules? Family, society, the man in the relationship or the couple with consensus? Very rarely do you find a straight couple who is evolved beyond the rules made by their heterosexual peers. LGBTQ relationships are defined by the two people in it and not by any third person. In a gay marriage, sex, chores, finances, kids, social gatherings, etc. are all treated without any set rules. For example, straight couples often are told to have kids right after 2-3 years of marriage. Age and time decides their rules and boundaries. What queers can teach straight people is to let their heart decide what they want in their relationship. Is it abundance, joy, love, peace, space? Or is it pressure, judgement, stress and distance?
People in straight marriages may not have the liberty to do all the things they themselves decide. But they can surely take the best of both worlds and capitalise on that to bring joy, happiness and more love in their sacred bond. While gay couples have many things to offer, the straight world needs to cherry pick what best serves their marriage for everlasting companionship.