Take Me as I’am: The 8th Vow

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Definition of Marriage – “The legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman as partners in a personal relationship”

It won’t be wrong to say that the idea of getting married, never created any Bollywood kind of feeling in me, but at the same time, I was never against it.The lovely bond between my parents seeded the belief that a happy marriage exists. Though now when I’m in my 30’s I understand even my parent’s marriage would not have been a bed of roses for them and they must have gone through their rough patches. Sadly, my mother passed away 18 years back and I never get the chance to know her view on her marriage, but one thing is sure they love and respect each other a lot and in their 34 years of togetherness, they cherished their bond. It was their maturity and commitment that motivated them to sail the boat even in a storm.

In our society, age is considered as a prime factor to decide when one should marry. However, in most of the cases, the maturity required to make a marriage successful has nothing to do with the numeric age. The day you are mature enough to accept the other person as an individual and ready to embrace him/her with all the good and bad that they have to offer to you is the right time to tie a knot.

You might be wondering why I’m saying all this? Because now I feel that, the marriage is losing its charm for me. I’m surrounded by many female and male friends, neighbors, relatives who are trying to do their best to work on their nuptial bond, but one or other partner or close family members are always there to pass their judgment mercilessly without realizing how their words crush someone’s hope and dream. Even the screening of marriage proposal has become so superficial then how one can expect to get the deep bond. The whole process is based on a single factor, how successfully, you impress the other with your money, status, skin color and not to mention your horoscope. Not to forget all the essentials that can make the bond evergreen like compassion, trust, honesty and emotional compatibility and individuality of a person are not even in the picture. Change, adjustment and adaptation are an inevitable part of the marriage, but it should not come at the cost of an individuality of a person.

During the long search for a life partner, I have come across many people and unfortunately, most of them find you perfect as long as you did not brush aside their personal view. If you have an opinion, view or outlook different from them, then you are not right for them. Why? Are you looking for a sibling who is born and brought up in a condition similar to yours, who will think and act like you do?

As far as I know after seeing many successful and failed marriages, I have realized that the bond is based on acceptance, faith, and kindness. It does not have a room for an ego and if you try to come along with your ego, you are making the bond weaker.

Please do not ask another person to compromise on his/her individuality just for the sake of a marriage; it is a commitment where both partners put their effort without comparing who is doing what. Your spouse should compliment you, it is not equal-equal bond, but complementing bond, where another partner does not hesitate to put his/ her effort to fill the missing gap. And one should enter into this bond only when they are ready to accept another individual completely!!

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