The first night is considered to be the most special night in a marriage. In the case of love marriages, there’s some level of comfort already established in the relationship which doesn’t make sharing a bed and a room as awkward as in the case of first night in arranged marriage. While the first night of marriage can be magical for some couples, it can be very tiresome, even traumatic for others.
The significance of the first night in an arranged marriage is immense because that is supposed to the first time a couple is sharing a bed together and achieving that closeness and comfort level. Do all people in arranged marriages have sex on their wedding night? This is a question that is often asked in the Indian context. No, not really. In fact, here are a few memories that couples in arranged marriages shared with us of their wedding night.
Tales Of First Night In Arranged Marriage
What do couples in arranged marriages do on their wedding night? Most would say they talk. If they have the energy that is after dealing with hundreds of guests. Different couples have different experiences of the first night in an arranged marriage. We bring you a few interesting ones.
Let me start with a personal narrative.
1. She was too young so he slept on the floor
My grandfather was found sleeping on the floor on a mat, the morning after the wedding night. It was such a talk of the time that even I heard that tale. In those days, it was important for the man to lay claim over his woman on the first night itself. The family was perturbed by this incident and each of the elders took a turn to make my grandfather understand the importance of this business.
As it is told, for most of the time he remained a silent listener until he talked to his mother. He said, “Here is the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with; we need to understand each other first. She’s too young; I don’t want to push her into anything she doesn’t understand.” This is retold as a funny incident. I never met my grandfather but this fills me with respect for him.
Related reading: Why newlywed couples in Bengal cannot spend the first night together
2. I wanted her to fall for me first
Navin was from a conservative Gujarati family. He was not consulted when his marriage was fixed. His involvements in his marriage were restricted to being present and following the rituals. He saw his bride only once in a social gathering where they were chosen for each other by their parents. When the wedding night came Navin was escorted to the room by his friends, brothers and cousins.
Weird tips and extensive guidance was whispered into his ears. He was sitting there clumsily waiting for his bride. Soon she arrived shoved in by others and silently stood by the door as others closed the door from the outside. When Navin unveiled her he saw a tear-soaked face.
She rested her head on Navin’s shoulder and started crying when he asked what had happened. At that moment Navin realised that she is his responsibility for life. Responsibility is not a dry word, it means to care, affection and empathy for Navin. At that moment he fell in love with her and could never think of touching her unless she felt the same way. Their first night in arranged marriage turned out to be magical without any physical intimacy.
Related reading: Can I have tips for my first night?
3. She married for her sister’s daughter
Smita didn’t marry for love or passion; she married because that was the right thing to do. She was in college when her sister Shima got married to her brother-in-law. Oh! It was a beautiful ceremony and was followed by a strong marriage. Shima had her husband Tuhin’s support in every decision she made, to get a job, buy a house, start a family. Tuhin even offered Smita to stay in their house when she wanted to pursue higher studies.
But good times were not supposed to last, Shima died after a prolonged illness that drained the family of money and emotional sustenance. Shima’s daughter Mira was just six and had latched herself to Smita. Responsibility made Smita grow up overnight and accept the family’s decision. But on the wedding night, Smita went and slept with Mira like she had slept, every other night in the past five years. It did take Tuhin and Smita a long time to take their place beside each other.
4. The groom was arrested on the wedding night
Minakshi and Parmindar grew up together believing they would get married because it was an arranged match the family decided on when they were kids. Gradually they fell in love but as luck would have it just when they were about to tie the knot a family feud started off. The families wanted to call of the marriage but the couple wasn’t willing.
They didn’t have a big ceremony or celebration. Having each other was enough for them as they got legally married with the help of their friends. Their friends arranged their wedding night as nicely as possible but it was not to be.
Minakshi’s father went to the police and charged Parmindar with kidnapping. Parminder was arrested on their wedding night as Parmindar’s parents refused to pay for the bail and Minakshi was forced to return home. They are together now, with two beautiful kids but they can never forgive their in-laws for that night.
Related Reading: 12 Thoughtful First-Night Wedding Gifts For Your Husband
5. The floating hotel was a disaster
Rima and Rahul were a match made in heaven and their wedding party was a blast. Theirs was a love-cum-arranged marriage. Rahul was an aspiring DJ and Rima was an upcoming RJ. They chose a floating hotel in the heart of Ganges for their wedding reception. There were drinking and dancing, a lot of it until the wee hours of the morning. When they finally went to their hotel room it was filled with the nauseating smell of rotting flowers.
The floating hotel didn’t help either. In Rima’s own words, “It wouldn’t stop moving”. They spent the rest of the night making trips to the toilet. They still laugh out loud when asked about the memories of their wedding night.
So not all couples have a night of passion on their first night in an arranged marriage. These stories ratify that.